Gráinne Patterson

Guest writer

Gráinne is an Irish Pākehā writer and essayist living in Te Whanganui a Tara. Her work explores family dynamics and how they have shaped her relentless search for ways to be a well-adjusted adult human. She holds a masters in creative nonfiction from the IIML.

You are under no obligation to hug Uncle Geoffrey.

How to not hug people you don’t want to hug this holiday season

Every day between now and Christmas, spend at least 10 minutes in front of a mirror, holding out a hand and saying: 'no'.

By Gráinne Patterson | 18th December, 2024

Image: Tina Tiller

Think you’re a people-pleaser? Name three people you’ve pleased

We're increasingly aware of the toll people-pleasing takes on the person doing it. But it's hard on everyone around them, too.

By Gráinne Patterson | 16th October, 2024

Image: Tina Tiller

How we fight: Lessons from the Love Lab

How are we supposed to know how to 'do' conflict with people we care about? Has a single one of us been taught a healthy way to do it?

By Gráinne Patterson | 3rd July, 2024

Image by Tina Tiller

Marriage, civil union or de facto: In 2024, which one should you choose?

We spoke to three couples in each type of relationship about why they made the choice they did.

By Gráinne Patterson | 21st June, 2024

IFS is an evidence-based model of psychotherapy invented in the 1980s by therapist Richard C. Schwartz. (Image: Tina Tiller)

With Internal Family Systems therapy, it’s never too late to have a happy childhood

A look inside the astronomic rise of IFS therapy, from someone who has received it.

By Gráinne Patterson | 14th June, 2024

The idea that asking someone if they’re feeling suicidal will “put the idea in their head” is a common misconception. (Image: Tina Tiller)

It’s OK to ask a loved one if they’re feeling suicidal

In fact, it’s a critical first step to helping them.

By Gráinne Patterson | 17th May, 2024

When you cry, the blur of your tears makes him look exactly like your dad, which makes you cry more. (Image: Tina Tiller)

Tips and tricks for when your therapist looks like your dad

Tip one: let yourself be nurtured by this big old man. Tip two: don't ask him to adopt you.

By Gráinne Patterson | 4th May, 2024

“I promise that I love you in this precise moment and I will reevaluate that love constantly based on your behaviour towards me.” (Images by Tina Tiller)

Dreaming of my not-wedding day

What does a forever relationship look like when you don't believe in marriage? And how do you celebrate it?

By Gráinne Patterson | 26th April, 2024