Alex Casey previews the first episode of Come Dine With Me NZ, and serves up a sample platter of the type of talent you can look forward to meeting.
Pull over Road Cops, Come Dine With Me begins on Monday June 15 at 7pm on TV3. The premise? Five New Zealanders take turns to host a dinner party in their homes over the course of the week, with the scores being tallied and the winner announced on Friday. As you may have figured out, having watched the international versions in a hungover state on a Saturday morning, the show relies on the winning combo of weirdos, squares, normies and borderline pervs. Garnish that with some healthy competition and relentlessly snarky voiceover – and you have a deliciously rich reality show ready to tuck into.
Guy Williams will be that snarky voiceover when the show comes to our shores next week, pushing his exposure across MediaWorks ventures to a whopping 27 million hours a day. Here’s a look at the first five kiwis to take up the madcap dining challenge, and a taste of what you can look forward to when the show is served.
Monika
Mystical Monika is a 41 year-old Slovakian baby poop enthusiast, who runs her own home childcare centre. Monika is the type of lady that has more than a few crystals lying around, and various assorted tarot cards close to hand at all times. If you thought that was kooky, wait till you see her rollerskating in her driveway and wearing a curly orange wig. Heads up: Monika is a huge toilet humour fan and it’s particularly tough to watch her make a banoffee pie whilst talking about diapers.
Tony
Tony describes himself as “a bit of a soup guy”, but there’s so much more to him than that. He’s also a real estate agent, ballroom enthusiast and dance partner to an alarming disembodied head called Broomwyn. He says he has a wife of 36 years, but we never meet her. I think it’s safe to assume that he and Broomwyn are happily wed. Tony is all set to be the perving older gent of the group, teasing a Hugh Hefner costume and dropping the word ‘horny’ more than Mousse T ever could.
Hinemoa
21 year-old fun-loving Hinemoa (“Mo” for short) is all about being chilled out in all areas besides eyebrow maintenance. Spending 25-30 minutes a day on her brows, Hinemoa is blessed to be the first to bring the word “fleek” to the middle New Zealand, Come Dine With Me masses. “I’m obsessed with eyebrows because I like them”, she explains. Mo is the antidote to Tony’s high-octane slime, saying things like “calm your farm” and wearings things like slippers and gumboots.
Kyle
Check out this Art Green kettle-hauling lookalike. Essex boy Kyle is a 28 year-old wild hog, and a team leader at an insurance company. The perfect blend of white collar and leather studded collar, he’s mild-mannered and semi posh. As you’ll find out, this charming quiet Brit may have some naughty secrets hiding under that bow tie and perfectly planned stubble.
Sarah
When people say “oh, she’s a total card” – they are talking exclusively about Sarah. The 24 year-old has an extraordinarily shrill voice that cannot be calmed by the most relaxing outdoor yoga positions or washing line stretches. She is always down for a loud yarn about the benefits of yoga “I’ve got smooth skin like a baby’s bum”. I can really see her and Monike forming a unique bond based on their mutual interest in baby butts. Sarah loves to eat, yells “yum yum yum yum” at any opportunity and almost certainly requires her own unique volume setting.
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Come Dine With Me NZ starts on TV3 on Monday 15 June at 7pm