Parents around the world have woken into a new world. A world where YouTube sensation Blippi, their child’s favourite entertainer, has made a video of him shitting on his friend who is wearing a helmet and googles. Emily Writes unpacks the biggest news story of the year for the toddler set.

Where were you when you found out Blippi took a dump on his mate and filmed it? It is our Princess Diana is dead moment.

If you don’t know Blippi, consider yourself blessed. Blippi is almost universally loved by small children. Parents – well, it’s up and down. He has a huge and I mean HUGE following on YouTube. Think half a million hits a month. He has 3.5 million subscribers – all kids who shriek with delight over every new firetruck video. His channels have a combined 7 billion views! He also has a bit of a cult following with mums who are hot for the former marine turned bulldozer enthusiast. We have even profiled him here on The Spinoff Parents.

And then it was revealed in Buzzfeed that he made an, ahem….film. I’ll let BuzzFeed reporter Katie Notopoulos take it from here. “In a hard R–rated twist, in a 2013 video that BuzzFeed News has viewed, Stevin “Blippi” John takes an explosive diarrhea shit on his nude friend’s ass in a truly shocking rendition of the ‘Harlem Shake’ meme.”

I don’t ever remember the Harlem Shake involving poop but I’m a full three years older than Blippi so maybe that’s it.

Blippi admitted it was him. “Yes, I did make a gross-out comedy video when I was in my early twenties, long before I started Blippi,” he told Buzzfeed. And we are left to pick up the pieces.

Therapy begins.

I’d like to welcome you all here today to process the news that Blippi filmed himself shitting on someone. Let’s all take a deep breath and begin with an affirmation.

Blippi is still Blippi.

He is still beloved. He is still the man who gets super excited about tractors. No video will change that.

Now, I know you’re worried about how this will impact your kids. Here’s what you need to know:

Your children will still love Blippi. In fact, they might love him more! I know for a fact my kids would love it if there was more poop content on Blippi’s channel. Have you considered how much kids love to watch their parents shit? It’s like their favourite thing. Who knows when we grow out of wanting to watch our parents take shits. Maybe Blippi was trying to support us as parents?

Some of you might be angry. This is what I want to say to you:

Who among us hasn’t shit on their friend while their friend wore a helmet and googles and then filmed it and put it online? Let he who has not shit on video cast the first stone.

Everyone has a past. Maybe your boss has shit videos online? You don’t know. You just don’t know.

So you loved him more than your husband – I get that. And now you’re not sure if you can still love him?

Blippi told Buzzfeed: “At the time, I thought this sort of thing was funny, but really it was stupid and tasteless, and I regret having ever done it. I’ve grown up a lot since then, and I trust people will see me as the person I am now, not the idiot I was back then.”

I know poop is sensitive for us because we’re constantly cleaning it up. And generally our fantasies don’t involve poop and instead involve our child actually shitting on the toilet and wiping their own god damn ass without us hysterically yelling “You’re doing it! Great job! Push that poo out!” but Blippi doesn’t know that. And he couldn’t know that when he was a younger man.

How could he know that so many of us have had to act as poo doula’s for our children? Is it possible that in 2003 you too were dancing to that banger ‘All The Things She Said’ by t.A.T.u.?Just as Blippi didn’t know he would eventually become one of the 2018’s most beloved children’s entertainer, you didn’t know in 2019 you’d be spending your Friday nights helping your toddler poop by saying “Breathe in and out and push” like he’s delivering his own baby but it’s a turd.

Aren’t we always telling our kids we make mistakes? This could be a learning opportunity. We could teach our kids about how they shouldn’t film each other pooping into each other’s buttholes for views.

Really if you think about it, we should be thanking Blippi.

He has taught us so much about tractors, and cars, and fire trucks. And now he has also taught us not to make skat meme videos.

He’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Feel better?