At its 25th birthday convention on the weekend, The NZ First Party passed a remit calling for a test for new arrivals, requiring that they understood NZ values.

The Respecting New Zealand Values Bill would require refugees and migrants to sit a test showing they understood what it means to be a Kiwi. One delegate, Roger Melville from Wairarapa, said he was keen on it because the country has been filling with people “who aren’t really New Zealanders”.

What will the test look like? Using science and technology, we have simulated the examination. Try it.

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What your result means …

1-6 out of 9 IDIOT You are ignorant and unwelcome. Get out.

7-8 out of 9 PASS You show a certain grasp of NZ values, but if we catch you speaking foreign you’re out.

9 out of 9 CONGRATULATIONS You have very New Zealand values. Sit back, have a beer and dream of the old country, then get your suit and hair ready: you are the new leader of the NZ First Party.