After David Seymour claimed that Kate Sheppard would vote Act if she was alive today, we surveyed the afterlife and found others keen to show their support.
Stand down Sue Nicholson, there’s a new clairvoyant in town. David Seymour may be best known as leader of the Act Party, but this week the MP for Epsom revealed he also has a direct line to the afterlife. Not only does he know the names of lots of dead people, but he also knows how they would have voted. Breaking news: all the dead people in the world would have voted for Act.
Yesterday, Seymour appeared in a multi-party election finance debate where he boldly announced that suffragette and $10 note icon Kate Sheppard would vote Act if she were alive today. It was a statement so unexpected that Green MP Julie Anne Genter’s eyes nearly popped out of her head, much like the reaction of many men when women won the vote in 1893.
But old mate Kate isn’t the only perished celebrity Seymour has had on his mind recently. Last month, the Act leader claimed the inspirational anti-apartheid activist Nelson Mandela would have campaigned for Act, and earlier in the year, declared the Māori chiefs who signed the Treaty of Waitangi in 1840 would sign up to Act today.
It seems Act has a wide support base, particularly among the dead. Sadly, it’s rare for the deceased to talk (let alone vote), which makes it tricky to refute Seymour’s assertions about those on a higher spiritual plane (though Mandela’s grandson and Te Pāti Māori have rubbished the claims). With Seymour repeatedly calling upon the ghosts of celebrities past, we wondered: which famous dead person will be next to show their spectral support?
We stared into the clouds for a sign, a glimpse into the beyond, or even just a vibe, and the results were astounding. Live, laugh, love Aotearoa, because we just found heaps more dead people who would probably, definitely vote Act.
Diana, Princess of Wales
All Diana wanted was the freedom to do as she pleased, including sunbathing on a superyacht without being bothered by the press. Remember when David Seymour turned up to election night in a speedboat? Same thing.
Hated red tape and regulations, was big on innovation (even if it did lead to his death). He also lifted up the heavens, which seems like a handy skill if you want the heavens to give you its party vote.
A man so rich and famous that if Dancing with the Stars existed in the 1500s, he probably would have twerked on it. He also penned the phrase “be great in Act, as you have been in thought.” Makes you think.
The Toyota Hilux ‘Bugger’ Dog
Sir Edmund Hillary
In a spooky coincidence, 14 year old Seymour played Young Ed Hillary in the television series Hillary: A View from the Top. Surely Sir Ed told a teenage Seymour that should he ever find himself the leader of a right wing classical liberal political party, then Hillary would be happy to help Seymour to “knock the bastard off”, as they say in the next world.
Michael Joseph Savage
Because it’s never too late to want a smaller, smarter government.
Jack from Titanic
Pretty sure he muttered “two ticks for personal freedom” when Rose wouldn’t share the floating door.
The latest press release from the afterlife confirms that all dead actors would have voted for Act. Laurence Olivier is reported to be at the front of the queue, having once uttered the immortal quote “without Act-ing, I cannot breathe”. The evidence speaks for itself.
Timaru horses are renowned libertarians, and Phar Lap was always banging on about being tough on crime, wasteful government spending and personal responsibility.
This 3000-year-old mummy
If you listen closely, the reconstructed voicebox of Nesyamun, the 3000-year-old mummy is definitely saying “Act”. Messages on his coffin revealed the mummy dreamed of one day speaking again. On October 14, it will.
The dead were approached for comment but had not replied by deadline.