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Pop CultureJuly 1, 2017

We ranked every song from Flight of the Conchords


It’s been 10 years (2022 update: 15 years!) since Bret and Jemaine first appeared on the small screen in their HBO series Flight of the Conchords. By way of celebration, The Spinoff writers enter a fierce debate to complete one gargantuan task: ranking every song that featured on the show.

44) “Stay Cool”

I mean, I went to the opening night of Westside Story and I still can’t get behind this one entirely. / Alex Casey

43) “Rejected”

Although the production values are *mwah* this one’s a little too reminiscent Rhys Darby’s operatic singing stint in the recent Air New Zealand safety video nightmare. / AC

42) “Boom”

The long lost Flight of the Conchords reggaeton track. / Calum Henderson

41) “Sugalumps”

This song would be nowhere near as sweet if not for Jemaine’s erotic dancing and also wearing of actual britches. / AC

40) “Rambling Through the Avenues of Time”

I’ll admit I just listened to this song for the first time and… I love it. Put it higher in the list. It’s a perfect parody of ‘Where Do You Go To My Lovely’ and I love that song, therefore this song shoots to top 10 for me. / Madeleine Chapman

39) “Petrov, Yelyena, & Me”

Sorry Jacques Brel. / CH

38) “Doggy Bounce”

Double-meta parody of a parody parody. Underrated imho. / Henry Oliver

37) “Carol Brown”

I can’t put it better than YouTube user Horace B: “good afternoon laugh. good quarter to 3am cry.” / AC

36) “Love Is a Weapon of Choice”

How crazy is it that Kristen Wiig was in this series?! Always here for someone releasing a dove in slow motion. / AC

35) “You Don’t Have to Be a Prostitute”

A problematic bop to be sure, but a bop nonetheless. / AC

34) “Dreams”

Great to see the hairmet in the wild. / AC

33) “Bret, You’ve Got It Going On”

The most bromantic song ever, years before bromanticism was even a thing. / Catherine McGregor

32) “We’re Both in Love with a Sexy Lady”

A ‘Trapped in the Closet’ style R&B duet about Kristen Wiig. Good for the “There’s no such name as Brarbara” bit alone. / CH

31) “Angels”

This would have made an absolutely amazing Smog song. / CH

30) “Frodo (Don’t Wear the Ring)”

FIGWIT is great, and this song is… not as great. But when Jemaine raps “ya little ass so close to the floor” I lose it every single time. / AC

29) “Demon Woman”

Probably could have slipped this one onto the first Wolfmother album and nobody would have suspected a thing. / CH

28) “Cheer Up, Murray”

Sometimes it’s good to be grateful for the little things, like having a job (1) or having friends (3). / AC

27) “Femident Toothpaste”

I’m a woman and I love to weave. I’m a woman I have woman’s needs. A big part of those needs is watching fake ads poking fun at stupid unnecessary lady-products. Five stars, could even be higher tbh. / AC

26) “I Told You I Was Freaky”

Big fan of Jemaine saying “don’t look at me” in the style of Damien at the very start of his touching rendition of ‘Beautiful’ in Mean Girls. / AC

25) “Rock the Party”

Thank god this song works well in a lift, because it’s sure elevating these rankings. / AC

24) Song For Sally

One of the great spoken-word interludes. / CH

23) “Albi the Racist Dragon”

Someone make this show already. Adult Swim? Neon??? / HO

22) “Friends”

“If you fall over I’ll catch your fall / if you kick my dick I won’t break your balls.” A touching ode to male friendship. / CH

21) “Epileptic Dogs”

When I was a teenager and my dog gave himself epilepsy after eating a container of rat poison, I updated my Facebook status to say: “Think about the epileptic dogs, not all the puppies are born so lucky.” I was being dead serious, and still am to this day. / AC

20) “Pencils in the Wind/Sellotape”

A very moving song about stationery. / CH

19) “K.I.S.S.I.N.G./A Kiss Is Not A Contract”

Amazing that The Conchords penned the most palatable consent anthem ever committed to the small screen, all the way back in 2007. / AC

18) Leggy Blonde

Don’t let any anti-Rhys Darby sentiment colour your memories of this strangely moving ode to unrequited workplace love. Goodbye, goodbye-eye-ee / CM

17) “Hurt Feelings”

2009: Flight of the Conchords open ‘Hurt Feelings’ with the line “Some people say that rappers don’t have feelings. We have feelings.” 2010: Drake releases his first studio album. / CH

16) “The Prince of Parties”

Sounds like an album track from MGMT’s Oracular Spectacular. / CH

15) “Fashion is Danger”

Didn’t realise we were living in the Derelicte fashion show in Zoolander. Bret wearing eyeliner also makes me feel a certain way. / AC

14) “Ladies of the World/Something Special for the Ladies”

While the lyrics themselves qualify this gem for the top 15, it’s the sensual roller skating video that truly elevates it. Listing nationalities and including “presbyterians” in the list is a highlight. / MC

13) “If You’re Into It/Coco’s Song”

Like all the best songs, “contains mild sexual humour.” / CH

12) “Mutha’uckas”

I’m a tremendous fan of saying “my transaction shi-” every time I use an ATM. Also, who knew that was Aziz Ansari at the time? Not this mutha’ucka. / AC

11) “The Humans Are Dead/Robots”

Close to the top 10, if anything for just being able to hear politics editor Toby Manhire belt out that extraordinary binary solo before 10am in the office. / AC

10) “Hurt Feelings (Reprise)”

A perfect loving parody of one of the most iconic scenes in late-’90s 8.0+-on-IMDB film history, Aimee Mann’s ‘Save Me’ Magnolia montage. Much better than ‘Hurt Feelings (Not Reprise)’. / HO

9) Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymnoceros

This gives me terrifying flashbacks of being 16-years-old, very white, very middle class, very drunk, and having freestyle battles in car parks in Parnell. / Simon Day

8) “Think About It”

Two best things about this flawless take on ‘What’s Going On’ era socially conscious soul: 1) Jemaine’s spot-on early 70s plaid jacket and 2) That child labour joke. Why are we still paying so much for sneakers? / CM

7) “Not Crying”

“These aren’t tears of sadness, they’re tears of joy. I’m just laughing: ha, haa ha-ha haaa”. / AC

6) Foux Du Fafa

This was the unofficial anthem for my year living in Paris. Unfortunately, my language skills never progressed beyond the utilitarian beginner’s level of ‘Foux Du Fafa’, but I am advanced on baguette saxophone. / SD

5) “Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor”

This is legitimately a really useful song not just for the dance floor, but in the board meeting, Parliament, blockbuster films, sports coverage etc. / AC

4) “Business Time”

After the Conchords explanation of the etymology of “business socks”, I’ve never been able to look at my dad’s Gold Tops the same again. They’re the only socks I won’t steal from his drawer. /SD

3) “The Most Beautiful Girl (In the Room)”

Cracks me up to imagine Prince listening to this and just dismissively rolling his eyes, picking up a purple bass and jamming until dawn. / CH

2) “Bowie/Bowie’s in Space”

“Audiences thought that we, by imitating a genius, had achieved some kind of genius ourselves, even if the genius had to be divided by two. Of course we knew we were just copying him. Flattering him.” / Jemaine Clement as we live and breathe.

1) “Inner City Pressure”

Everything a Conchords song should be. The music is sonically on point. The lyrics walk a fine line between absurd parody and that-could-be-in-an-actual-song. “He just stands there” is perfectly understated. A song you can listen to for a laugh or just to, y’know, listen to. / HO

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