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Would you trust these three to sell your house? One man did…
Would you trust these three to sell your house? One man did…

Pop CultureJuly 6, 2018

You got your Dancing with the Stars judges in my real estate ad

Would you trust these three to sell your house? One man did…
Would you trust these three to sell your house? One man did…

Is it a real estate ad if you see more of the Dancing with the Stars judges than you see of the house? Our DWTSNZ power-ranker Sam Brooks investigates.

I remember the old days, when people used to look at pictures of houses in the newspaper and then go along to open homes and hope the house looked like what it does in the picture. It was like Tinder but with higher stakes and more disappointment.

Nowadays, real estate agents are using videos with more budget and higher production values than your average film festival short film. Take, for example, this guided tour of a house from Lindsay Jean, a self-titled ‘Real Estate Investor and Expert on Irresistible Influence’:

It’s less a real estate ad and more an investigation into one human being’s inner darkness. Do I want to buy this house? No! Because this video is about seven years old, selling a house in a different country from me, which is probably worth more than I will make in an entire lifetime. But do I want to hang out with this lady? Yes, let’s have a few pinot grigios and talk about you, girl.

Which brings me to New Zealand pioneer and genius, real estate agent Jadyn Dixon whose bizarre and ultimately kind of winning real estate ad featuring the judges from Dancing with the Stars got picked up by Jono and Ben on last night’s episode. I’m still not 100% convinced that it’s not Laura Daniel dressed up as judge Rachel in this ad:

If I learned anything from the hit play Death of a Salesman, it’s that attention must be paid. Also, that every salesman needs a hook. And Jadyn Dixon found his hook. Or more precisely, his hooks – his dancing hooks. Hooks that dance. He got the Dancing with the Stars judges to read real estate copy, is what I’m saying.

It’s flat-out ridiculous – Mr. Dixon starts this video off dancing, and sets his judges up to review the house like they’re judging celebrity dancers – but we live in an age where nothing is off-limits. If you want to make a reality show where people who aren’t professional dancers dance for two months, you can do that! If you want to make whatever the hell Heartbreak Island is, you can do that!

And if you want to do a real estate which shows off celebrities more than it shows off the house you’re advertising, you can do that! Do the judges come with the house? If one was to purchase this house, are you gonna open a cupboard under the staircase and Julz Tocker is gonna pop out and teach you how to cha cha? Would that increase the house’s value or decrease it?

Where is Julz at?!

The answers are not here, reader. The only answers that are here is that Jadyn Dixon has an in with Dancing with the Stars – perhaps through some kind of dancing mafia – and he has a house that he wants to sell.

Aside from being ridiculous, though, it’s also a little bit genius. Everybody knows how to read between the lines of real estate gobbledegook now – it’s as second nature as it is to ignore the ads that our phone targets to us by listening to our conversations.

Indoor-outdoor flow? Drafty.

Plenty of windows? No insulation.

Cozy? Good luck fitting a single bed in there.

Spacious? Warehouse.

Close to amenities? Above a restaurant that’s a front for money-laundering.

But when that gobbledegook is delivered – quite stiltedly and clearly scriptedly – by three tremendously attractive people who are dressed up and also, judging by the frosty clouds of air emitting from their voice-holes, freezing their wealthy dancing asses off, it totally hooks me in. I watch the entire real estate video, and it’s like I’m pretending to be someone with the kind of income to afford a house! What a lark! What fun we have when we pretend to be above our social class.

A very cold Dancing with the Stars judge.

Am I going to buy a house in Greenhithe? No, because I don’t know where that is. I assume it’s on the other side of the Harbour Bridge, the fabled Northern Shore of Auckland.

But am I entertained? Yes! Briefly. You do you, Jadyn Dixon. I hope you get your rightful commission from this house, and continue making videos this entertaining.If you are to continue making these videos, these are judges I would recommend for you, Jadyn, should you be reading this (or also any other real estate agents who want some Hit Video Content™):

Jono and Ben: They could nail the scripted stuff! But also people might think it’s a prank. I mean, I think this whole ad could be a prank anyway, so this might just put it over the top into being actually a prank.

Suzanne Paul: This woman could sell beef to a cow, you guys.

Judge Carolyn Henwood: She’s just an actual judge, and she seems like she’d be good at this sort of thing.

Jason Bonham: As a judge on The Block NZ, this seems like something that’s genuinely qualified to do! You might have to pay him a fee, though, because this is like, his job.

I expect some commission on this commission, should you take me up on any of these ideas for your next hit viral-ish video, Jadyn. Go well.

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