Musical theatre sceptics Gabi Lardies and Stewart Sowman-Lund review the three-hour spectacle at Auckland’s Civic Theatre. 

Gabi Lardies: Stewart, we sat through THREE HOURS of musical theatre last night. That’s a big ask for an audience trained on 12-second reels. Tickets are between $69 and $179 – we were both sitting in the stalls near the back, in the $79 area. I didn’t feel like I was missing out back there. What did ya think?

Stewart Sowman-Lund: I am still buzzing this morning. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. There were hobbits surrounding me in the stalls before the show even began – if that’s not bang for your buck, I don’t know what is. Did you find the musical aspects a little offputting?

G: The beginning was so festive and fun! I am usually a total hater of musicals, to the point I totally avoid them in all forms, but I surprised myself by enjoying most of the songs. There was a tear in my eye when Frodo and Sam sang so sweetly to each other, about friendship, tales and perseverance. 

S: That’s beautiful. I think a couple of the numbers were a little too long, but maybe that’s just because the whole thing was over three hours and the Civic seats start to imprint themselves on you after about 90 minutes. I was, however, in awe of the performers who were often acting, singing, dancing AND playing musical instruments at the same time. Who knew Gandalf could play the drums (and a tiny little lute)? 

G: I looooved when Gandalf appeared up at the back with that drum, and that sparked the exact same thought. They were all so multitalented, and the performance so tight. I also loved when Pippin and Merry were in the Fangorn forest, and there were percussionists scattered on the stage and the theatre boxes. It looked like some of them were playing lengths of bamboo, and the way they were all staring intensely at each other across the space to keep in time was riveting. 

S: I am a devout musical lover, and I think my main issue is that a lot of the music wasn’t very memorable. There was no big ‘Defying Gravity’-esque moment that truly swept me into the world. On the flipside, I liked that each part of Middle-earth the characters visited had such distinct musical imagery. 

G: I agree that the songs were not BIG and gravity defying. I think some of the songs that were meant to hit big missed the mark (perhaps one by Galadriel in particular).

S: She was also wearing a golden pantsuit which didn’t seem very Elvish, but who am I to judge Middle Earth fashion.

G: I have a problem with the Elvish costumes. Why did so many of them look like Indian Kurta sets? There is nothing wrong with Kurta sets of course, but it is strange to use that for Elves which previously have had no connection to India. Lúthien was wearing a dress, but it wasn’t very beautiful. It was made from some sort of thick, stiff fabric that just didn’t seem magical.

S: This is a good point. I found a lot of the costumes a bit underwhelming. Why did Aragorn look like he was out of Peter Pan? The Hobbits also seemed to be rocking some nice Birkenstocks or similar sandals, when I think we all know they famously have giant hairy feet on display at all times. 

G: You’re right. Also why did the orcs look like they were from Mad Max? Perhaps there was no money for custom costuming, which seems strange for an international, travelling production. The set was quite minimal too – it was mostly altered by projections from scene to scene. This worked but surely was confined by budget. 

G: I was sssuuuuper impressed by the special effects. It was pure stage artistry, and yet somehow quite economical with its means. For example, when the hobbits escaped the dark riders through the waterfall, eight lengths of silky sheer fabric tumbled from the rafters, and hung there. With a bit of fancy lighting, it was the most beautiful waterfall I’ve ever seen. In the next scene it turned into an elvish curtain.

S: It really was masterful. Not to give too many spoilers away, but the dark riders gave me the chills (and they do run around the stalls a little bit, too, which was creepy) and there are a couple of monster sequences that were amazing to witness.

G: All the monsters were incredible, and genuinely scary! I would love to say more about a huge puppet, but it would be such a spoiler. There were a few kids there and luckily none of them cried.

S: Someone did open a can of Coke at the most inopportune moment though, but you probably won’t get to experience that if you go another night. Before we finish, I think we have to talk about the Gollum of it all. He was… shredded. 

G: OK, so right after you suggested that maybe Gollum was hot. I was mortified, because it’s Gollum. But I can now confirm that a second person has mentioned to me that Gollum was hot. So I guess it’s two against one. His (its?) entrance was thrilling, and I was shrieking along with half the audience.

S: OK, he’s not like… hot, hot. But there was something about him I can’t put my finger on. Maybe he just has a great personality? Either way, his performance was insanely good. The right amount of Andy Serkis cosplay but with the actor’s own twist. Never thought I’d want to hear Gollum sing a little song, and yet now I wish there was more.

G: God he was good! And he provided some lightness and levity and giggles. If we’re going to talk about his touch of Serkis, I’d like to add that while the musical is “based on the book” there were so many scenes that seemed almost directly lifted from the movies – the forming of the fellowship; the hobbits hiding under the log from the dark riders; Sam, Frodo and Gollum by the campfire. 

S: That’s true, but if you’re a Two Towers stan, I warn you that it’s pretty much all cut. I guess narratively that makes sense, but I was a little disappointed. All up though, a really fun night at the theatre – and certainly exceeded my (admittedly quite low) expectations.  

G: I confess to going for a bit of a gag. I am not a LOTR stan in any sense apart from season one of Rings of Power, and I thought it would be super nerdy and cringe. About half an hour before it began, one of my friends asked “is it a parody?” and I replied “it’s earnest 😬”. At the interval I had to update her because I was buzzing: “I LOVE IT”.

S: Get that on the promotional poster, stat, Lord of the Rings promoters. 

Lord of the Rings: A Musical Tale runs at Auckland’s Civic Theatre until December 1.