Emily Writes got to meet the contestants in the new Bachelorette NZ show, and boy were their teeth shiny.
The Bachelorette NZ airs at the end of this month, so it’s definitely time to find out more about the men who will feature in this show that you will complain about on Twitter but definitely watch in private. Incredibly, every single one of the men vying for the heart of Bachelorette Dr Lesina Nakhid-Schuster only took part “as a dare” and they’re all “out of their comfort zone”. What are the odds? We talked to 150 different Seans and narrowed it down to our most interesting 20.
Sean is a bit of a romantic! He’s also a personal trainer from Hamilton. He has big arms. Look at those arms! I hope Sean wins! His arms seem very nice and like he’s a good listener. Sean likes to work on his arms. “Big Sean’s Big Gym is open 24-7!” Sean says.
Sheen is a policy analyst from Wellington. He likes cycling. In fact that’s his whole personality. Listen to him talk about cycling. Wow. That’s a lot Sheen. Luckily Sheen is a bit of a romantic! “We need to address carbon emissions which means people are just going to have to get out of their cars and cycle. The bike is the original zero emission capable model what people need to remember is…” he droned on and on and on.
Shayne is a…He’s 20? What the fuck is he on this show for? Oh he has a start-up? Oh Jesus. OK Shayne. I sure hope it’s a romantic start-up. “I still live at home!” Shayne said.
Shane is a personal trainer from Auckland, and he’s a bit of a romantic! He has a white tribal tattoo. Oh Shane, you’re so edgy. I can’t wait to follow your Instagram to boost your business as a personal trainer until you’re voted out in week three for a casually racist remark. “[Comment redacted by the TVNZ PR Team]” followed up by “I’d like to apologisse becoz I love all races, I LOVE chinese women! I went to Thailand and totally dated one! #OneWorld”
Shean is a romantic at heart. But not too much! He’s really masculine! He’s a personal trainer from Queenstown. He loves to run, look at those calves! He can’t hold a conversation but he can hold a car over his head. Top two prediction right here! “BRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he said.
Sheayne is a surfer. He’s got long hair! That’s it! How romantic. What Sheayne lacks in personality he makes up for in being a surfer. You won’t marry him but you will have some unsatisfactory sex where he jackhammers your cervix while saying “do you like that?” with him. “I’m just here to ride the wave!” Sheayne said, immediately making you wonder how you let him have access to your vagina.
Shaeyean is a romantic who didn’t fill in his application for The Bachelorette, so how did he get on the show? Is he a personal trainer at TVNZ? What! Romance! Sean says talking in Instagram captions is his main skill. “Grateful! #Grateful” Shaeayean told us!
Shane Y, 32
Shane Y believes a woman’s place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. How’s that for romance? He’s between jobs right now and he loves his mum. Except when she’s being a bitch and making him clean his room. Aww! “It’s illegal to be a man,” he said, without any context.
Chayne wants to get married and have babies! The success rate of shows like The Bachelor and Married at First Sight meant he knew it was the perfect place to come to meet his match. What Chayne lacks in smarts he makes up in biceps. Romantic biceps! “You make my heart go boom boom” Chayne said. Wow! What a catch!
Sean J, 52
Get out of here old man. Don’t you know the formula. Oh you have a six pack? You’re a personal trainer from Auckland? Alright, you can stay for the first episode.
Shane A, 32
Shane A is an astronaut! But he’s leaving NASA to become a personal trainer. Romantic! Shane A is such a hopeless romantic that he’s been married 18 times! Oh Shane! “I would love to become a dad again. It didn’t really work out for me the first few times but I’m willing to give it another go”.
The Bachelorette NZ airs on Sunday 27th January on TVNZ2. Some, none or all of these Shawns may feature.