Looking for ways to not only survive but thrive during the latest lockdown? Love Island has the answers.
During lockdown there’s no better place to turn than the television, and on television there’s no better place to turn than Love Island UK. It’s the reality series that takes a group of horndog singles and chucks them in a Spanish villa for eight weeks in the hope of finding love, and doesn’t let them leave the confines of their luxurious accommodation until the public votes them out.
Beautiful people stuck inside with nothing to do but pash each other? Welcome to our new reality. You won’t want the Islanders advice on relationships or lads’ holidays, but we can learn a lot about not just surviving but thriving, while being stuck at home. The Love Island crew are our lockdown guiding lights to help us navigate these tricky times, so tonight everyone, I would like to couple up with… Getting Through Lockdown the Love Island Way.
Redecorate your home
Creating a pleasant environment is crucial in lockdown, and Love Island knows the secret to better living: the humble cushion. There’s a pandemic of cushions inside the villa, and these feathery parcels offer solace in an unpredictable world of chaos and drama. Bored? Turn over a cushion. Lonely? Hold a cushion close. Nothing is more loyal than a cushion, whose head will never be turned, because it is a cushion. They’re as versatile as we are, New Zealand. Let’s cushion the shit out of this lockdown.
Go easy on the substances
Moderation is key on Love Island, both in coupling up with strangers and alcoholic beverages. Islanders are limited to two alcoholic drinks each night, but there are no rules when it comes to the classic fluid of H20. Superglue your water bottle to your hand and get sipping, because hydration is the winner on the day. Thankfully there are no rules about inhaling a jumbo bag of chips during The Chase every night, so do your worst with that one.
Find time to unwind
Has your boyfriend got the ick? Are you accused of faking your feelings for your girlfriend, despite saying “you’re my GIRLFRIEND, you’re my GIRLFRIEND” every three seconds? Worry not. It’s important to take time for self care, so pump some iron in your garden gym, whip up a delicious toastie or sit by the pool to relax. Don’t have a pool? Find a puddle, dip your toes in and feel that tension instantly melt away. You’re worth it, New Zealand.
Cultivate a hobby
The Love Island crew might look like they’re bored shitless, but they’re actually using this time to better themselves. Lockdown is the perfect opportunity to hone a new skill, like sitting on a beanbag for hours, stroking your hair while you decide what your type is on paper, or creating Faye’s iconic ombre lip. So many mad moves! I couldn’t even spell ombre before this morning, so I tip my Love Island R Trucker cap at the TV once again.
Leave home only to exercise
Exercise is nice, but walking around the block dressed as a Roman god seems like too good a chance to miss. Are you not entertained?
Eat something delicious
Liam’s had the time of his life on Love Island, but his greatest legacy may be this week’s revelation that he hadn’t heard of asparagus, nor aphrodisiac. The poor lad wouldn’t have discovered either if he hadn’t sat down for a hearty meal, so it’s a timely reminder to eat something yummy this lockdown. Who knows where it could lead? If music be the food of love, make yourself an asparagus roll immediately.
Make a grand gesture
Lockdown is a great time to reveal your feelings to someone you met last week. Tyler scrawled a romantic message on five hand towels to ask Kaz to go “exclusive”, an incredible gesture given everyone in the villa is coupled up and the show finishes next week. Everything’s exclusive in lockdown, so unfold the tiny rectangle of fuzzy cotton that lines your heart and do something big. FYI, that pen won’t wash out, don’t use your fancy guest towels.
Communicate with other people
It’s important to stay in touch with friends and family during lockdown, but it’s more important to let people know when you do. Practice shouting “I GOT A TEXT” in a socially distanced fashion, and always add a hashtag at the end of every message. #itsthelittlethings #igetlockdownbutIgetupagain
Remember, it is what it is
Most of all, remember what the great philosophers of our time say: let’s put all our eggs in one basket and crack on.
Love Island UK screens six nights a week on Neon.