It’s week five on The Bachelor Australia, and shit’s getting real. Miriam Moore recaps the drama.
For the first time in this season of The Bachelor Australia, we are left with enough girls that I finally know each of their names.
Last week saw the mass eviction of the mean girls, with the remainder effectively singing an opening chorus of “ding dong the witch is dead” as we enter week five of The Bachelor. Straight off the cuff, host Osher enters with a date card, hinting that someone could be getting a second date.
Britt is indeed the lucky receiver of a second date, with an envious Cass still waiting with the patience of the Dalai Lama for her first taste of the Honey Badger. The theme of the date is Australia, with Nick excitedly exclaiming “this is Australia” as Britt and Nick sail across the harbour in a boat. To be fair, he’s not wrong.
Inside the destination wildlife sanctuary where some big old lizards are mating, Britt coos over the koalas, and hopes to hold one. She’s obviously unaware of our own home-grown Bachelor incident where a koala shat on season one winner Matilda Rice. Britt is not to suffer the same fate, as Nick instead brings over a thick juicy snake and she’s chill as about holding it.
The date progresses to feeding a fish to probably the world’s largest crocodile, an Australian aphrodisiac if I ever saw one. The pair settles in a wallaby-surrounded couch for a chinwag about their futures, where they realise they both want the exact same thing. Jinx! As Britt begins to choke on her feelings, the Bach shows her that pashes speak more than words and a smooch-fest ensues. This is a rare moment that the kiss proceeds the rose, making Britt a clear leader of the pack.
A group date follows with Cass, Brooke, Tenille, Sophie, Deanna and Jamie-Lee heading to the harbour. With boats and couches being the common denominator of these dates, the hopes are high for another nautical adventure. Much to the women’s dismay, it is a human lie detector instead. As Nick finds women challenging and complex creatures to deal with, he invites them to open up their deepest feelings to a strange old man called Steve.
Brooke is genuine and emotional, closing up about a past relationship. This foreshadows an apparent massive plot twist from her past that she needs to tell Nick about. Deanna is deadpan. She cites her biggest flaw as that she is competitive in yoga. Big flaw, to be honest. It’s people like deadpan Deanna that stop me going.
Cassie’s infatuation with Nick is highlighted by Steve, but it doesn’t take a professional to pick up on that one. Sophie can’t choose between work and love as her priority, which Nick is cool with. This is good otherwise he would have got a backhand to the face from me through the screen.
Jamie-Lee is comfortable with Nick, being honest about the fact they haven’t interacted much yet. Tenille admits she can keep people at an arm’s length, which she admits might not impress Nick. Nick’s emotions, of course, don’t get examined. Finally, the worst date in the world is over and somehow not one of these women have packed it in to join a convent.
At the cocktail party, Cassie reminds Nick she’s in love with him, and he confirms that old mate Steve agreed. Soon after, Brooke decides to drop the bombshell that two of her previous relationships have been with women. Nick’s status of being a normal person is slightly redeemed as he shrugs this information off as being totally ok. Deadpan Deanna proves too emotionless and is left also roseless by the evening’s end.
Episode 10 starts at a speedway with some car branding that is lost on me because I don’t know car logos. Consumerism is dead. Dasha, Britt, Sophie and Brooke, as date card recipients, must first navigate an obstacle course blindfolded. Nick guides them via walkie-talkie, and all are fairly successful. Dasha, however, proves her statement that she’s Russian and not rushin’. She cannot drive a manual car (a completely normal thing in 2018) and stalls through the course, to much hilarity.
The second task is to do a reverse swerve and land on the love heart pad. Sophie freaks out as her biggest fear is reversing in a car. Mine is dentists, and I won’t even go to achieve general oral hygiene let alone win love, so for her to do this for is big. She aces the reverse and Nick rewards her with some crucial one on one time.
Also at stake in this battle was a 12kg box of avocados, finally something worth fighting for. Nick is a man of his word and presents Sophie the collection of avocados, which he promises are all ripe. Really? All ripe? He says it like it’s a good thing. She’s going to have to make so much guacamole with that. A true gentleman would have gifted a box of avocados at varying stages of maturity.
Anyway, there’s a rose under the avocados and Sophie wins the second smooch of the week.
Despite Cassie begging for the next single date, Nick chooses Jamie-Lee for a Japanese sword-fighting experience. Jamie is unenthused by traditional outfit and sword fighting in general, whilst Nick has the outing of his dreams. When it comes time for a serious chat, Jamie is left speechless when asked to simply describe herself and admits she just didn’t behave like her normal self. She returns from the date without a rose, the first case of a rose-less single date in this season.
Back at the mansion, Tenille feels she needs to talk to Nick about the results from the lie detector. On the contrary, no one feels the need to talk to Nick about why he made them do a lie detector. After crying behind a trellis about Nick’s need for her to open up more, Tenille makes the dignified decision to see herself out of the mansion and the competition altogether.
Osher returns to the party to tell the women of the night’s events; that Nick has retired to his bach pad and there will be no rose ceremony that night. Shannon cries, Jamie-Lee is saved and the tension builds as another week draws to a close.