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Pop CultureApril 20, 2016

The Bachelor NZ Power Rankings, Week Seven – That’s one way to go to the toilet

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Alex Casey delivers her power rankings for week seven on The Bachelor NZ, including the rise of Naz and Kate’s shocking ocean release.

What’s the point in trying to rank, predict, or follow anything to do with The Bachelor NZ anymore. Let’s all just go to Waitangi and get plastered in elaborate gowns, because apparently that’s a very fine and respectful thing to do. 

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We farewelled Ceri and Storm this week, both of whom I originally picked to stick around much longer. Looking back, it actually makes complete sense via them both being really cool and young and hopefully joining forces with Shari to create a travelling girl band of 24 year-old Charlie’s Angels-type scenario.

PS: What’s going on with you Jordan? The pressure is clearly starting to get to him and, as he said to Naz, it’s enough to make anyone go cross-eyed.

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My theory is that Jordan is looking for any slight misstep as reason enough to send each woman home. This week these faux pas ranged from differences in life stages…

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… to inconsolable Wallaby attitudes

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So, with an armful of wombats and a kayak full of Kate’s wees, let us see who is left to potentially sign this treaty of love.

1) Naz

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Naz got an intimate beach date this week, where Jordan presented her with a ceremonial shell ring. That’s one romance level above Burger Ring and one below Ring Pop, so it’s safe to say Naz might just have this in the bag. And who knows what happened when they were momentarily dragged under the surface by an enraged Kraken.


2) Fleur

Jordan can see himself working with Fleur in her photography studio, holding the flecky board for her as she takes stunning portraits of wild hyenas and piles of giraffe poo. That said, their blooming relationship came under strain this week as Jordan forced Fleur to come face to face with her number one phobia: demonic birds.

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Fleur got her own back the next night, teasing Jordan for looking like a Jim Carrey character during the hilarious waterfall group date debacle. Careful Fleur, in these testing times that could be enough to get ya fired – or at least subject to another horrific bird attack.

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Hungrier than a Wallaby for more Bach? Listen to The Fantasy Suite below, New Zealand’s greatest/only The Bachelor NZ podcast hosted by Jane Yee.


3) Gabs

In a shockingly real-world moment, Gabs was shown reading a real-life magazine this week, perusing some truly fabulous buys.

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The bargains clearly went straight to her head, because she went off her bloody rocker at the cocktail party that night and was talking actual garbage. Could Gabs low-key be gunning for Naz’ poet Laureate slot? I can’t keep afloat anymore either.

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4) Kate

There’s no denying that Kate is a pure crack up. This week she was all about wees, first encountering some sort of spraying Happy Jay 2.0 koala at the zoo:

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And then jumping in the ocean and take a bloody waz herself!

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I’m not sure about this bold move, Dad/Jordan was not impressed with the impromptu toilet break and scowled until his eyes uncrossed. Kate, urine for a firing soon – good news is that SheWee© are looking for a rep though.

5) Erin

Jordan became another Jim Carrey character around Erin this week, except sadly this time it was Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind because he clearly still has no clue who she is.

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Honourable mentions:

Codger on a rock watching Ceri’s date

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James Busby realising he’s made a huge mistake

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These power rankings are brought to you by Lightbox, home of the amazing Bachelor-inspired drama UnREAL. Take a peek behind the curtains of reality TV by clicking below to watch:


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