TVNZ2’s latest survival show strips its contestants of absolutely everything – including their clothes.

What’s all this then?

In many ways, Naked, Alone and Racing for Home is your standard survival show, with a remote setting, physical challenges and plenty of danger. But in the questionable tradition of shows like Naked and Afraid and Naked Attraction, it also features a lot of nudity. That’s right, the people competing in this new British reality show are completely starkers, in the buff, naked as the day they were born. 

Each episode sees two teams of two people strip themselves of all their modern comforts and race through the British countryside in the hopes of winning £5,000. They build their own shelters and forage their own food, and navigate rivers, fields and forests, all au natural (apart from their shoes). It’s a test of resourcefulness and courage, particularly when the teams have to reach the finish line in a small town, which they must discreetly run through without upsetting the locals. 

What’s good

If you dream of being liberated from the conformist shackles of Western society’s demand for artificial adornments – or maybe you just like boobs, bums and balls –  this is the show for you. The only person with clothes on is the show’s survival expert, who wears enough camouflage clothing for all four contestants.

Everything in this show is bonkers. Teammates Mike and Merel meet for the first time approximately five seconds after they’ve taken all their clothes off. Awkward? Only if you make eye contact. Neither seems too worried about spending the next few days with a naked stranger, running through fields of Scottish heather while their body parts jiggle in harmony. “I feel like I need to cope in tense and challenging situations,” Mike explains. “I hate being cold at night,” says Merel. No problems here, then.

Mike and Merel then meet their nude competition Jenny and Steve, who’ve been together for three years. “Alright?” Steve greets Merel. “Not bad,” she says, as if things could be worse. Steve is already being attacked by midges, and it’s not long before Mike and Merel clash. “If somebody has the opposite opinion to me, then I get a bit arsey,” Mike admits. He certainly picked the right show.   

Without clothes, peril lies at every turn. I’m worried they’ll get sunburned. Every time they climb a wire fence, I hold my breath. “I’m getting bitten in places I don’t want to be bitten,” Merel confesses, and as the threat of hypothermia increases, Jenny and Steve race to win a bonus food item. It’s a dead pig, but Steve is thrilled. “I can make proper bacon and sausages,” he cries. That pig was also naked and alone and racing to get home – at this point, nobody is winning in this game. 

By the episode’s end, chaos has set in. As the two teams approach the town, Jenny and Steve put face paint on, while Mike covers himself with leaves and polkas across the road. Four people run naked down a country lane, but the first stranger they meet simply waves and keeps jogging. At the finish line, second-place Steve puts on a poncho and proposes to Jenny. I do not want to know where he kept that ring for the past three days. 

What’s bad

This show raises a number of questions. Firstly, why would anyone do this? Putting aside the fact that everyone will see your bits on the telly, the meagre prize money just seems like a bad return on your nudey investment. And what if the villagers don’t want to see naked idiots roaming around their streets? Where’s the line between a harmless streak and indecent exposure? And again… why?!

Verdict

Underneath our clothes, we are all naked and alone and racing to get home – but maybe just sit in your garden and connect with nature that way. At least it was worth it for winner Mike, who felt so empowered by the experience that he cried tears of joy at the finish line. “Gratitude’s coming out absolutely everywhere,” he told us. The bare truth, indeed. 

Naked, Alone and Racing to Get Home screens on Thursdays at 8.30pm on TVNZ 2 and streams on TVNZ+.