challenge shay bored

Pop CultureMay 30, 2017

Survivor NZ Power Rankings, Week Four – Shay is fed up with the dude brigade

challenge shay bored

Superfan Joseph Harper tackles the fourth week of Survivor NZ, including Jak the joker and Avi’s gladeyes. Click here for last week.

Week four on the Survivor NZ island/Nicaraguan peninsula (I don’t know geography), produced a mixed bag. Shay’s ousting at the hands of the Boytown alliance was all too predictable. At least she can kind of ‘told you so’ to herself re: Tom being a snake.

I’ll get to the weekly tat in a sec, but if you’re looking to dive a little deeper into the gamier side of the game, Ben Martell is putting out some very sound Survivor NZ insights over at True Dork Times, and Nick Iadanza is serving up despicably Australia-centric coverage of our little show for the legendary RHAP network.

If all you care about is pithy observations, and an unhealthy deluge of punk-funk references, read on.


Let’s start by stating the obvious: the ziplock bag of chocolate looked like poos.

It was scat all around this week to be honest. Just look at how constipated these lads are:

Also I managed to isolate audio (record my laptop speaker on my phone) of Barb saying that the choccy will “be like a laxative.”

Finally, this green hedgehog is the greatest nature cutaway I’ve seen on Survivor.

The rankings

#1 AVI

Are my eyes deceiving me, or does Avi have a Red Hot Chili Peppers tattoo on his lower back?!

What is it with New Zealand reality TV stars and their inexplicable worship of Kiedis and co?

Anyway, I can’t stop thinking this explains why Avi is rocking around in his undies so often. By the way, is it just me, or is Avi getting a crapload of confessional time relative to his position? Are the editors trying to give it away that Avi is here from the long haul?

It will be very interesting to see how Avi is placed once Tom gets back from the other side. Will their Mogoton days be washed under the bridge by Tom’s sordid involvement in recent bro-downs? Or will these two allies be road trippin’ their way to 100k? Dani California.


Oh my god have you ever seen a more adorable little viral cop! Nate is looking more entrenched by the day.


Why on earth does Sala sniff the treemail so much? Ah well. Sala can do no wrong in my opinion. He rules. Actually I take it back, he is doing wrong here aka this is not how a hammock works:

Someone email joseph_moore(at)failarmy(dot)tv3(dot)nz because that is a massive fail.


I’m still loving Barb’s reversal of fortunes. Almost as much as I loved this cheeky wee grin when Barb caught a glimpse of the pooey looking bag of choccy!

#5 TOM

You need to get you a fella who looks at you the way Avi looks at Tom.

Gladeyes aside, Tommy boy must have some secret stockpile of charisma that he’s refusing to share during confessionals, because all the men in this game are absolutely lovin’ him. Tom’s playing a dangerous game by straddling two alliances, but if he’s got the skills to continue paying the bills, he could be well placed for a deep run.


I’m glad you managed to winch yourself into this new alliance Shannon and I like that you’re in a position where you can go with whoever comes into the merge in the best position. But for god’s sake you are wearing too much sunscreen!


Somehow Mike cemented his position as the season’s challenge beast, during a challenge he wasn’t even involved in, by Greg Poppovich-ing Lee into what was nearly the comeback of the decade. If Mike ever goes to Redemption Island, I tremble for those in his wake.

Right now though I’m not loving his Boytown alliance. I thought that Georgia’s boot at the hands of spiteful Nate and Barb might have taught him that needlessly alienating fellow tribemates is a bad move…

But at least he’s got great hair.

#8 JAK

We get it Jak. You’re an impractical joker.

#9 LEE

How does it feel to be on a TV show for four weeks and finally get a lil moment of camera time?

Damn Lee. Tell us how you really feel.

#10 SHAY

Oh Shay. I’ll admit she’s been playing a messy game over these first eight episodes, but I find something super compelling about the way Shay has been playing. “I’m glad I got married before I came out here, because these boys might put me off men entirely” is one helluva soundbite, and nobody else is coming close to it. I really felt for her, trapped in a boy-hell. I mean, look at her vibe at the Redemption Challenge.

The thing is though, Shay ignored the number one rule of Survivor/The Wire: you come at the king, you best not miss. Shay had Tom in her sights from day one and had several chances to do the deed. I bet she regrets not deregistering the teacher.


By struggling like crazy with those plates, Georgia did more for hospo workers’ case for a living wage than her own case as a real threat to come back from Redemption. She lives on, but I’m not loving the outlook.

#12 IZZY (Eliminated)

Izzy’s cap may have been pure iconic Survivor, but Izzy’s game was not meant to be. Too bad, because I thought she was going to be badass, what with her living on an oil rig and being a cool thief on day dot, but alas it just wasn’t meant to be for Izzy.

Laters Izzy.

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