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RecapsNovember 27, 2014

The Tribe Has Spoken: Survivor San Juan Del Sur Episode 9

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Survivor San Juan Del Sur Power Rankings Episode 9 

12) The Move/Me Getting Owned

josh shocked

This is me watching Tribal Council.

What a shocker! To say that this is the best episode we’ve had so far is an understatement. Jaclyn and Jon’s questionable move pretty much saved this season. So I guess that’s good, but I’m still not happy Jeremy’s gone because I really loved him with a love that was true and real.

Also, I feel it’s worth noting that although all of my previous projections are in ruins, my Omar from The Wire comparison still holds water cos in the end, this is what happened. Jeremy let his guard down and got got by someone goofy.

I’m annoyed, but at the same time I bloody love it. This is exactly the kind of crap that has kept Survivor relevant. The editors caught us in a trap we’d built for ourselves.

It’s all in the game.

11) Hot Wes 

hot wes

Weird that Wes had become kind of a hottie!

10) @JeffProbst


Keep getting them followers Jeff.

9) Horny old Baylor

Here’s a secret scene from the reward on the yacht. Note how Baylor’s got a raging case of the horn for scumbag Alec.

8) Crabs

Wtf why were there so many crabs around Jeremy at Exile Island?


7) Ripped Freak


I guess now is our last chance to reflect on that fact that Jeremy was like a freakin Adonis in this week’s episode. Also very weird the editors didn’t blur is peen area. Shout out to the people in the middle of the Survivor lover/peen lover venn diagram who probably loved it.

6) Reed

reed wink

A great week for Reed. Staved off near-certain elimination and actually put himself into a strong position where he can swing to either alliance and potentially put them over the top.



4) Mid-Power Ranking Survivor San Juan Del Sur Orthopedic Power Rankings

So for the first time we had a challenge where the castaways only use their feet and it was weirdly billed as a historic moment. Ultimately it looked stupid and funny. I rate it five stars.


One of the best parts is that we can now objectively rank the castaways based on who has the sexiest feet*, which is what I’ll do now.     

6) Keith

foot keith

WTF is going on with that toe. God what a horrible foot.

5) Jeremy

foot jeremy

Another disgusting foot. Jeremy just can’t catch a break. Not only was he brutally voted out, but his toes look to be undergoing some kind of brutal coup of their own.

4) Baylor

foot baylor

I got to say, I was disappointed by Baylor’s feet. I expected more and was left wanting by these boring, lifeless feet.

3) Wes

foot wes

Pleasantly surprised by the Wes-meister’s feet. Tasteful and muscular.

2) Missy

foot missy

Who saw this coming!? Missy’s feet are classic all-American feet that should appeal to all.

1) Reed

foot reed

Wow. The feet are dextrous and able. The kind of feet you’d like to see attached to your own legs or the legs of a lover. Bravo.

*We weren’t gifted a close up view of Jon, Jaclyn, Alec, or Natalie’s feet because they were bad at the challenge. I think it’s safe to assume that Jon has bad feet, Natalie has decent feet, Jaclyn’s feet are stunning, and Alec doesn’t have feet at all.

3) Natalie

natalie alone (1)

A rough week for my favourite Twinnie. Though going forward, like Reed, she has potential to be a mover and a shaker now if she can work her way into a group with the other singles left of the island. I also managed to catch the exact moment she said the f-word at Missy.

2) Jeremy going through the five stages of grief at tribal

Jeremy Denial

Jeremy Anger

Jeremy Bargaining

JEremy depression

JEremy Acceptance

Goodbye Jeremy. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.

1) Watch the Throne

Is it possible this guy is actually good at Survivor?

suave jon

Jon may have thrust himself from King-maker to King with his slaying of Jeremy.

But it’s pretty contentious whether or not this was a good move. It all depends on Reed and Natalie. For my money, getting rid of a power player like Jeremy is always good, but Jon and Jaclyn could have executed this later in the game and their position would be much stronger. They now have a tight alliance of four, but there are five people left in the game. That math ain’t water-tight.

Strategic acumen aside, it was real cool though, and I feel like Jaclyn and Jon have made this season a shitload more exciting through their ‘came in like a wrecking ball’ style game play.

I’m just very pumped to see how this plays out.

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