We present an inarguable case that the royal pair had a tremendous time in Aotearoa, actually, enjoying very much our interesting shells.

As New Zealand opens its arms again to the world, a devastating blow to our wafer-thin national confidence has been dealt: Meghan Markle had a really shit time here. Or, to be more specific, the Daily Mail has reported that royal chronicler Tina Brown has written that a palace staffer told her that Meghan had a really shit time here and in Australia in 2018.  Brown, a former editor of posh periodical Vanity Fair, wrote, “She apparently hated every second of it”, apparently.

Did she hate the Australian leg of the tour? Don’t know, probably. Did she hate the New Zealand leg? No. Though you’d forgive her for hating us, given how weird the Tina Brown of New Zealand journalism, Kate Hawkesby, has been:

But to return to the evidence. Exhibit A: Meghan and Harry told fellow royal Oprah Winfrey last year in that big interview that they’d contemplated moving to New Zealand, and it seems obvious enough that you don’t contemplate moving to a place you think is shit.

Exhibit B, if I may approach the bench, from the mighty Daily Mail’s very own documentation of the blockbuster 2018 tour. Hated every second of it? I think fucking not.

Tomorrow: the shittest places in New Zealand Meghan and Harry visited, ranked.