A collage of children: two in a tent holding torches, one boy in a car seat smiling, another boy crying, a silhouette of a person with luggage and a toddler at an airport, and various toys surrounding the images.
Image: The Spinoff

Societyabout 9 hours ago

A survival guide for holidaying with your horrible children

A collage of children: two in a tent holding torches, one boy in a car seat smiling, another boy crying, a silhouette of a person with luggage and a toddler at an airport, and various toys surrounding the images.
Image: The Spinoff

Travelling with kids can test even the most patient of parents, but go in armed with these tried-and-true tips and you might just come out of it unscathed.

When you become a parent, all manner of pleasant activities you once took for granted become distant memories: weekend sleep-ins, leisurely cafe brunches, popping to the pub for an after-work beer, going to the toilet without an entourage, and having a holiday that is restful and rejuvenating, to name just a few. 

Yes, travelling with kids is hard work, but it doesn’t have to be harder work than your normal shitty life – you’re on holiday, remember. With that in mind, The Spinoff has assembled a team of battle-hardened parents to bring you this comprehensive compendium of tried-and-true tips for travel with tamariki.

Before you go

🧳 If they’re old enough to understand concepts like “today we’re going to do this”, try to talk them through what’s happening each day (you may have to do this many times). For the tiny type As out there, you could even print them out an itinerary (if they’re old enough to read, or to pretend to read, at least). Children are creatures of habit who can be thrown off by the smallest change to their normal routine, so keeping them in the loop at all times can ward off at least some of the inevitable tantrums.

🧳 Packing cubes are particularly useful if you’re going on a long trip: instead of each family member getting their own bag or suitcase, give each kid a different coloured set of packing cubes that slot neatly into a couple of giant suitcases.

On the road

🧳 Getting a rental car? Go for the biggest option – it may cause stress when you’re trying to squeeze into a tiny park at some tourist hotspot or other, but do not underestimate the power of putting as many centimetres of separation between sparring sprogs as possible.

🧳 Don’t forget devices and power banks (fully charged!) to keep all devices fully charged(!) at all times. DO NOT forget all the necessary cords. iPad holders that attach to the back of the front seat can be handy too (or simply wedge the tablet between the two front seats).

🧳 A generously filled snack(le) box for each child does wonders. (Snackle boxes are a TikTok phenomenon – they’re essentially a lunch box with many compartments filled with various unhealthy snacks. Let the kids pack their own before you go, or retain some oversight and chuck healthyish treats in one or two of the compartments.)

🧳 In addition to the above, keep some treats on your person that you can distribute in emergencies.

🧳 Car games. Every family has a favourite, but if you’re lacking for ideas we recommend car cricket. The rules are flexible, but the basic gist is each person in the car goes in for a bat and gets one run when a car passes, two runs for an SUV, four for a trailer or six for a motorbike. A truck? That’s out, on to the next batter. Other recommendations: I Spy (obviously); the infinite variations on the spot-a-car-of-a-particular-colour game (including yellow car = punch in arm, plus less violent versions like spot cars in order of the colours in the rainbow and the heavily regulated Spotto; boat, goat, float (first person to see all three wins – a float can be of the horse variety or the parade variety); five white horses (see five white horses = get an ice cream); find your car’s family (spotting cars of the same make and model as your own); number plate initial game (making up funny phrases with the first three letters of car number plates you see). 

🧳 Appeal to children’s competitive sides with challenges: get them to do impersonations of members of your wider whānau and judge a winner; set challenges tailored to each child’s skills, eg name 10 Pokemon, 15 dinosaurs, or every New Zealand cricketer to have scored a test double century, for example; see who can stay quiet the longest (they’ll cotton on to this one pretty quickly, so enjoy it while it lasts). 

In the air

🧳 Not a tip as such, but steel yourself for the hours ahead – Emily Writes once considered plane travel with children to be worse than childbirth, after all. 

🧳 Many of the “on the road” trips can be duplicated in this section, such as:

🧳 Devices and power banks (see above)

🧳 Snack(le) boxes (see above)

🧳 Challenges and games (see above, minus the road-related aspects).

🧳 Pamol for sore ears (if you’ve forgotten it and your child is screaming, the flight attendants will likely have a secret stash). Plus supplies of any other pharmaceutical products to which you may have legitimate access to (eg a melatonin prescription for neurodivergent kids).

🧳 If these tricks fail and your toddler still ends up screaming the entire plane journey, don’t beat yourself up about it. There is one kid doing this every time and this time it’s yours.

Once you’re there

🧳 Try not to get too stressed about disruptions to their usual sleeping and eating regimes. Yes, if your toddler misses their nap, they will be grumpy, but they will survive (and so will you). And living on chips for a week won’t do any major lasting damage. 

🧳 Give each kid an empty notebook to create a travel journal – hopefully they’ll become invested in stealing cards and napkins from every restaurant, tourist attraction, public transport method or museum you visit to stick within its pages, and should only need minor encouragement to pen a few words (or draw a few squiggles) too.

🧳 Kids may not share your enthusiasm for sightseeing/ancient ruins/exotic fashion boutiques/local culinary experiences. This is not a personal failing, but just how children are. This doesn’t mean you can’t do these things, but sandwich them with activities for the children: theme parks, toy shops, staying in the hotel and watching TV, that sort of thing.

Keep going!