With house prices dropping, what does ‘affordable’ look like now? Alex Casey scours the listings to find out.

This week the average house price in Aotearoa has dipped under one million dollars for the first time since September 2021. Nationally, the average house is valued at $989,790, while in Auckland that average now sits at a mere $1,410,163. It is a drop that has been described by QV Operations Manager Paul McCorry as “staggering”, “jaw-dropping” and something that “could well tumble into a crash”. 

Sounds bad! But could this be good news for first home buyers across the land looking to shop shop shop? Well, QV valuer Hugh Robinson told Newshub yesterday that people aren’t exactly rushing out to get amongst these bargain basement prices. “What we’re seeing is a continued slowdown of the market in Auckland,” he said. “Buyers are being more cautious, doing more research, checking things out and comparing properties to each other.” 

If you’re one of those cautious buyers, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to scour the property listings and see what kind of houses are being marketed purely on their affordability. This way lies bargains – don’t eat them all at once. 

Keyword: ‘AFFORDABLE’

That’s right folks, we are looking at an “affordable entry level opportunity” in Grey Lynn, complete with two bedrooms, one bathroom and a brick fireplace. This is the Kiwi dream come true, this is the Auckland we’ve been waiting for, a whole generation wept and cheered and-

Then stopped cheering and just kept weeping. 

Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, two car parks, two million dollars. 

You could spend $1,600,000 on this Bellagio Way number, or you could go to see Aerosmith at the Bellagio in Las Vegas 1075 times. I’ll let you “dream on” that.  

Keyword: ‘STARTER’

OK, $1.1 million might sound like a lot for a starter, and for many the only opportunity knocking here is the opportunity to knock over that bird bath as you run away screaming. But perhaps there’s more to this listing than meets the eye? The vendor is committed to sell, which could mean you could hustle for mad chattels to offset the one million dollars for your first home. 

What’s a massage chair go for, $100,000? And a telly with a fire inside it? That’s priceless.

“A great starter in a top location that sits in the perfect position for the sun.” Sure, it is over a million but can you really put a price on living on PIGEON MOUNTAIN ROAD in HALF MOON BAY? I’m beginning to question how committed you are to living in an Enid Blyton book. 

Attention entry level buyers: this conqueror is on the rise and he (yes this house is a he) wants over one million of your golden dollars. Conqueror: Rise!!!!!

Keyword: ‘BARGAIN’

Only someone with “Gold” in their name would think that $1,495,000 represents a bargain. And you can take that to the bank! And ask them for more gold!!! Get what I mean??

Please allow me to draw your attention to something chilling in the promotional video for this $1.69 million home. What are these?!?! Giant olives? Tiny limes? Huge grapes? 

Whatever it is, when you combine it with the “bargain price” of $1,690,000 it certainly does not put me in a good mood, regardless of what the chopping board is peer-pressuring me into. 

Keyword: ‘CHEAP’

Psst… you’ve heard of dirt cheap, but have you ever encountered cheap dirt? Well my friend, it’s going to cost you $1,250,000 to get real nice and acquainted. 

I’ll say it louder for the people in the back: behind👏every👏main👏house👏there👏is👏a👏great👏utility👏room. That will be one million dollars thank you. 

Wow! A cheap listing in Saint Mary’s Bay, once home to the big Cartman and famously one of New Zealand’s most expensive suburbs????? The housing tide IS really changing. 

Ah. Nevermind.