Every day is different but the stigma stays the same, writes Cathasaigh Ó Fiannachta.
All week on The Spinoff we are delving into our relationship with the world of work in Aotearoa. For more Work Week stories, click here.
I am a Te Whanganui-a-Tara based writer/producer who has been in and around the sex industry since I was 18 years old. I am turning 35 this year. Over my vast and varied career I have worked as a stripper, sensual masseuse, full service sex worker, kink/fetish worker and adult content creator.
Every day is different but starts much the same – drinking too much coffee, clearing my cellphone and brainstorming ways to innovate my many hustles. I work independently, which means I handle my own advertising, client communication and workspace. I’d say 75% of my time is spent on admin, laundry and dealing with creepy time wasters, 20% content creation and 5% is actual in-person bookings. Sometimes I love my job, sometimes I hate it. Sometimes it’s empowering, sometimes it’s traumatic.
Whorephobia has many faces, many of whom genuinely think they are doing the right thing by forcing the sex industry to stay in the shadows. The fear of stigmatisation stops many workers from being honest with our partners, friends, family, civilian colleagues/employers, medical and mental health providers. It prevents us from advertising via traditional routes and connecting with a wider range of potential clients, and from having our knowledge, skills and experience valued as professional expertise.
We can’t advocate for better working conditions without fear of losing our jobs, and we can’t work independently without fear of being sexually harassed, assaulted, raped and/or murdered. It’s exhausting and it impacts a lot more people than you think. Someone you love is a sex worker – and if you’re thinking “not me” it simply means they don’t trust you enough to tell you because, you guessed it: stigma.
Why am I info-dumping all this on you? Because, dear Spinoff reader, opportunities for authentic representation in mainstream media are rare, and I want you to leave this article with a better understanding of what we experience. Decriminalisation without destigmatisation keeps our struggle in the dark and we need your help to create lasting change. Here are five small things you can do to support sex workers’ rights in Aotearoa:
1) Boost our voices
Follow, support and amplify sex worker-led movements. I’m sure many of you are aware of the 19 Fired Up Stilettos currently kicking ass and taking names down here in the capital. I had the pleasure of working alongside them through the holiday season and they are fired up for good reason.
Imagine being expected to work a physically and emotionally demanding job from 7pm until 4am with no guarantee you will make any money, but ample opportunity to get exorbitantly fined for something as small as missing a stage spot or being short with management? They are literally locking workers inside glorified cupboards with drunk strangers and taking 50% of the money when the house is already making theirs on the door fee, the over-priced booze and the tipping money.
2) Consciously consume content
Whether it’s adult content, sex worker social media, escort ads or mainstream media coverage about sex work – think about the ethics of what you’re engaging with and how you’re engaging with it. Pay for porn. Don’t be a creep in our comments/DMs. Don’t contact a sex worker if you have no intention of paying them. Stop watching content about sex work that wasn’t created in genuine collaboration with actual sex workers. No content about us without us.
3) Champion us in other sectors
Create professional environments where we can include all employment history on our CVs. The tenacity, personality, worth ethic and entrepreneurial spirit required to find success in the sex game is what makes me a great producer. I am an asset to the screen sector because I’m an experienced sex worker, not in spite of it. The mainstream workforce is missing out on some amazing mahi because you’re too stuck on the scandal to see the skills.
4) Recommend us
Have a really great friend, colleague, or family member who is struggling romantically/sexually? Support them finding a sex worker. If you’d be stoked for Damo to finally break his post-break up dry-spell by picking me up after a long night on the piss, you should be stoked about him booking me sober. Our sex lives are deeply tied to our physical, mental, emotional and social health. It is not a moral/personal failing to pay for sexual services, just as it is not a moral/personal failing to sell sexual services.
5) Unpack your own whorephobia
If anything in this article triggered or offended you, don’t jump into the comments and chase the cheap dopamine hit of whore-bashing. Instead, spend time thinking about why. Whether sex work is work is no longer up for debate. This is how I make a living – why is it so important to you that it be as dangerous and dehumanising as possible? Why does the idea of treating me as a valued and necessary member of society make you so uncomfortable? What do you think you’ll lose by seeing me as a three-dimensional human being with hopes and dreams deserving of the same opportunities and rights as you?
How you feel about sex defines how you feel about sex work. Your personal discomfort around sex should not prevent good, hard-working humans from building themselves a beautiful life.