Love, actually, at 46: 'Our difference in earnings makes me pretty frustrated'
'His earnings pay for household bills and whatever is left over has been his to spend as he sees fit.'
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Age: 46
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Bisexual
Ethnicity: NZ European
Religion: None – atheist
Occupation: Administrator
Length of relationship: 23 years
Children: 3
How we met: Through friends
The best thing about my relationship: Security, consistency, reliable, fun
A problem we can't seem to resolve: Finances - getting ahead/satisfied with our financial situation
This is how we share/separate our finances: Finances are mostly shared. Husband owns a business, I don't have much to do with the business earnings. I have had low paid part time jobs but up until recently have not had much of "my own money" where my husband has always had his income from his earnings. His earnings pay for household bills and whatever is left over has been his to spend as he sees fit. I feel much better lately with my current job because now what I earn goes into my bank account.
This is how we split chores and childcare: I generally do the household chores or organise them to be done, same with childcare. But lately I am trying not to take that all on as my responsibility and feel better for it.
Our sex life in three words: Routine and consistent (with occassional bit of spice) but still fun
The thing that makes me a good partner: I listen to all the ideas, business plans, latest hobbies and am generally encouraging. I am thoughtful and understanding and reflective of how I can be better.
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Not try so hard, be more proactive with making my needs a priority, then I will feel less resentful and be happier about him pursuing the things he wants.
What I most appreciate in my partner: Fun, funny, finds me attractive. Earns a good income and wants to achieve.
What I most resent in my relationship: Having to put my needs last and feeling like I do not have a voice having discussions are very difficult. Difference in earnings makes me pretty frustrated.
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: Husband helps more with chores, listens more and is more understanding of childrens needs.
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: Occassionally we have rendevous with other people.
Our last big fight was about: The relevance of gender pay equality.
If I hadn't met my partner: I would be a single mum on a low income job, not sure if I could have bought a house.
I expect my relationship to last until: Until we die I guess.
My relationship advice is: Try to connect with each other each day, through any shared interest, this making time for each other shows the importance you put on the relationship. Having children can put a huge strain on personal wellbeing and wellbeing of relationship. Keep doing fun things together to destress and be proactive about having your needs met so you don't become resentful. When sex gets mundane, try new things.
