‘She was a virgin and wanted to be sure we were in this for the long run before committing.’
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Age: 25
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Hetty
Ethnicity: Irish/Scottish
Religion: Agnostic
Occupation: Public servant
Length of relationship: Two years
Children: None so far but definitely in the 10 year plan!
How we met: We actually met on a language exchange app (tandem)! I wanted to learn the language from where she was from and then she messaged me and after maybe six months of talking I finally decided to both travel to her country and then also meet her. We both really didn’t intend to use the app to find a partner but everything just clicked between us.
The best thing about my relationship: We are both not afraid to show our affection no matter what.
A problem we can’t seem to resolve: Not the biggest issue but just the whole social media aspect of relationships. I see the constant photos, posing and TikTok trends as a manufactured, fake kind of thing but she sees them as cute snippets of our relationship to look back on. I think this is the difference between the outdoors vs iPad kid childhood…
This is how we share/separate our finances: We pretty much just figure out the costs and decide who pays what. Because I have a higher income job I felt it only fair to pay more (especially as she also has visa stuff to pay for as well). I don’t mind paying more because I know 100% that if she could she would.
This is how we split chores and childcare: Rotating shift work. She’s used to a home where she would clean very often so I try to make up for that and do more cleaning work than she does just to give her a break. Often she might do cooking + dishes and I’ll clean the bathroom, take out rubbish and vacuum house.
Our sex life in three words: Fun, adventurous and joyful.
The thing that makes me a good partner: I like to think I’m a good listener and the calm one in a relationship. My partner overthinks a lot so I’m happy to be there and listen to her overthinking and be there to comfort her. I don’t get tired of the overthinking because I know she can’t help it. It’s just a natural thing.
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Communicating issues earlier rather than leaving them to simmer for longer. I grew up as a very independent person so it’s always been “I can do it myself” kind of vibe.
What I most appreciate in my partner: She’s always my biggest supporter in everything I do. And she’s not afraid to show her affection in any way shape or form. From small treats to big presents, she always tries to outdo herself.
What I most resent in my relationship: That I can’t carry her around all day at work.
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: Well we moved from long distance relationship to living together so definitely that. It was a big adjustment but we managed very well!
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: We actually only just recently started to have sex. She was a virgin and wanted to be sure we were in this for the long run before committing. It taught me a lot about the values of a relationship where sex life is not the be all and end all, and made me realise that a relationship shouldn’t have that as the baseline.
Our last big fight was about: We never fight but we did have a long debate about who will win the world cup if that counts? Or maybe when we argued over what hotel to book. Important things.
If I hadn’t met my partner: I definitely would not be where I am right now. She has encouraged me to do all these big decisions that I was always 50/50 about. She was always right there to nudge me in the direction she knew would be best for me.
I expect my relationship to last until: Infinity and beyond.
My relationship advice is: Don’t expect the other person to be without faults because A) they will have them and B) you most definitely have them. Be patient and understand that some of these faults come from deep trauma that is not easily fixed. Be there for them.
