As of today, Tāmaki Makarau has been in lockdown for 100 days. What did you accomplish in that time?

It’s difficult to look back on these 100 days and not think it was all kind of a waste of time. Time! The one truly non-renewable resource. 

To prove that it wasn’t actually a huge waste of time, here’s a list of all the things I’ve accomplished in the past three-plus months. Also included: a list of things that I did not do.

Things I did accomplish:

I wrote a play.

I wrote 29 articles for The Spinoff.

I read 36 books.

I got Pfizered twice.

I was part of the team of five million.

I moved into a dream apartment.

I showered and wore clean underwear every day.

I watched four – nearly five – seasons of Alias and many, many seasons of American Dad.

I sat outside anxiously with my friends, grateful that I could see them at all.

I drank [redacted] bottles of nice wine, in the hope I might develop some semblance of taste.

I developed a taste for nice wine.

I maintained my taste for cheap wine.

I developed and maintained a 10-step morning skincare routine.

I developed and sometimes maintained a five-step night-time skincare routine.

I gained an appreciation for Natalie Imbruglia’s oeuvre outside of ‘Torn’.

I judged someone who violated the Covid-19 restrictions.

I felt weird and bad about it after the initial glee that comes with judging somebody you don’t know.

I reported a Covid breach by a landlord who violated the restrictions, looked in my closet, and used an outdated slur to describe my clothing.

I figured out how to cook a perfect steak, or at least a steak to my exact liking, which is all that really matters.

I cooked many, many steaks.

I listened to ‘All Too Well (Ten Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version)’.

I listened to ‘All Too Well (Ten Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version)’ again.

I worked out that the “some actress” Taylor Swift refers to in ‘All Too Well (Ten Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version)’ is Anne Hathaway. I will enter into no debate on this.

I increased the amount of words and phrases I have muted on Twitter to 123 (the latest? Thanksgiving), and the amount of accounts I have muted to 378. Blocked accounts: 479.

I wrote a note on my phone titled LAST BITCH EFFORT. No further context.

I saw my best friend’s face in person, behind a mask, and I didn’t cry, but I felt so happy and alive that I definitely could have.

I went for a walk every day.

I wore my mask whenever I left the house.

I got an Apple Watch so I had some validation and proof that I was going for a walk every day.

I was nice to others when I did not necessarily want to be.

I was nice to myself when I did not necessarily want to be.

I came to the conclusion that while I am a kind person, I am not naturally a nice person.

I accepted this about myself.

I returned something to the store for the first time rather than wallowing in my stubbornness.

I did text you back.

I wrote over one thousand tweets.

I promoted the song ‘Ankle Deep’ from Popstars winner Christabel, and I filmed several videos of me dancing to it, which I shared with select friends.

I got into Bon Appetit about three years after everybody else did.

I asked a lot of friends “are we good?”, despite knowing deep down, somewhere, that we probably were.

I asked my friends to support me more if I needed it.

I checked in on friends, probably more than I would outside of lockdown.

I did therapy over the phone, and felt better about it afterwards.

I looked at my bubble mate in the lift and recognised him as one of the most essential humans on the planet, or at least my planet.

I did my best.

Things I didn’t accomplish:

I did not write a book, a screenplay, a poem, or any of the other things I meant to write.

I did not cure Covid.

I did not successfully purchase a very specific adaptor for the very specific, expensive appliance a well meaning relative bought for me.

I did not make it through my first (and last) trip to Mitre 10 Mega without crying.

I did not give grace and understanding to people who knew less about a certain issue than me.

I did not watch the things everybody else was watching, in lieu of watching drag queens react to the things everybody else was watching.

I did not listen to a song a friend sent me because I knew it would be bad.

I did not send a song to a friend because I knew they would hate it.

I did not resist the urge to dunk on someone on social media.

I did not beat Deathloop, probable game of the year 2021, because I was bad at it and got bored.

I did not learn how to answer my apartment buzzer like it’s a buzzer and not a telephone.

I did not withhold my opinion when I should have.

I did not wean myself off my addiction to Blue V.

I did not critique the government’s decisions as much as I could or should have because it was stressful and hard.

I did not adequately think about the decision to consume Bon Appetit content in the wake of their whole thing in 2020.

I didn’t wash my mask every day.

I did not pay enough attention to the struggles of those less fortunate than me.

I did not let a day go by without thinking that all my friends, yes, even you, are holding deep-seated grievances against me.

I did not get one single hangover, and therefore, did not develop empathy for those who did have hangovers.

I did not make one single salad.

I did not cook for myself every day, or even eat food every day.

I did not change the world.

I did not in any tangible way help the team of five million, I think.

I did not always do my best.

I did not become a better, or even, different person.

And one last thing I did…

I survived 100 days of lockdown.