Tara Ward drops her shortbread in fright as a brand new trailer for Outlander season three arrives out of nowhere.
Praise be to all things mythical and bagpipey, for the latest Outlander preview dropped yesterday like a hot bannock onto a dusty floor. The fevered sighs of malnourished Outlander fans reverberated around the world, much like how the screams of a tormented ginger echoes through a deserted tower. The King of Men was back, but things were not looking good.
The teaser was 41 seconds of tartan nectar from the time travelling gods, revealing both everything and nothing about season three of Outlander. Happily, there was Jamie with the Good Hair, Frank rocking some ’60s spectacles, Brianna celebrating her 16th birthday.
But the despair dial was turned up to 10, with so many furrowed brows you could plant a row of turnips on Claire’s forehead. Claire and Jamie are separated by 200 years of heartbreak and misery, and not even a moody shot of Jamie Fraser astride a galloping stallion can make up for that.
I’m sure when Jamie said “I will find you, I promise,” he didn’t mean it in a stalkery way, but in a I-love-you-to-the-bottom-of-my-burning-loins way. But then, who knows? Here’s what we do know about season three.
This is going to hurt more than the time Claire played dentist with a pair of rusty pliers
On the plus side, HELLO JAMIE FRASER.
Scotland is still green and heathery
Never change, grass.
Jamie’s not a happy bunny
I don’t think he’s dreaming about that time they ate potatoes at Lallybroch. Maybe he should, potatoes always cheer me up.
Claire scored the better end of this deal
While Jamie suffers nightmares and spends his free time touching up the heather, Claire’s flat out being a super surgeon and wearing white gloves without getting them dirty. Bloody legend, no matter what century she’s in.
Everyone spends a lot of time going somewhere other than where they should
FFS, Jamie’s not hiding behind Door #3 at the hospital. The stones, Claire, GET BACK TO THE STONES.
Wrong type of stones, Jamie, but keep trying.
Claire makes Brianna a birthday cake of standing stones
“As soon as you hear the humming, just dive face first into the buttercream icing and when you wake up it’ll be 1746 and ta-dah, that’s how I met your real daddy.”
Just because Jamie’s lonely doesn’t mean he’s not fine
Jamie’s an active relaxer and he’s not sitting around twiddling his thumbs just because his wife left him for the future. He rides through a foresty glade, he shoots a pistol, he looks longingly at a hill. I bet he’s even got a ‘love, life, laugh’ sign hanging on his cave wall, because life’s so rewarding when you stay in the moment #blessed.
There are big wigs and flouncy sleeves aplenty
Tie me in a corset and slap me costume period drama happy, Outlander is BACK.
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