Alex Casey breaks down the full line-up for Celebrity Treasure Island 2019, including two weather presenters and a mandatory Lana.
Gather round peasants, Celebrity Treasure Island is coming back for the first time since 2007 and you should all be screaming bloody murder. This is the show with the killer coral! The weird txt speak! The forbidden durries! And after all the sequins and spray tans of Dancing With the Stars NZ, isn’t it about time we took our celebrities down a notch by giving them a break off work to visit a tropical island paradise?
Our early predictions might not have been right on the money – no Max Key, no Erin Simpson in sight – but there’s still many, many shiny stars for you to look forward seeing transform into a bearded, delirious Tom Hanks in Castaway. Here’s the full rundown of celebbies for your consideration.
Charity: National foundation for the deaf
Whomst? Lily was runner-up on The Bachelor NZ season three and later reached international stardom on The Bachelor Winter Games. She’s also one of the most exciting cast announcements, a wildcard who isn’t too precious to do a shooey and brush her teeth with no water. Surely that will come in handy on the island at some point.
Charity: Key to Life
Whomst? You would have recently seen the bloke absolutely biffing Brittany through the air like a javelin on Dancing With the Stars NZ and, before that, showing off his meat hands when he was a contestant himself. He’s also a famous boxer, obviously, and the owner of a Birkenhead gym. That fitness will surely come in extremely handy, plus he has a nice smiley face advantage.
Charity: Rainbow Youth
Whomst? Breakfast’s Matty McLean is a longtime Survivor super fan and for that reason I hold deep fears that he going to overthink every part of the game and get booted in the first couple of weeks. Blessings and good tidings to you and yours. At the very least he will be able to have a weather-presenter-off with none of than…
Charity: Starship Foundation
The Sticky TV host, turned weatherman, turned radio guy is perhaps most famous for the above iconic moment, perhaps our filthiest weather fail since Jim Hickey’s cumburgers. My personal favourite Sam Wallace moment is when I went to see the Counting Crows play on Breakfast and Wally was there, Shazaming the whole damn thing. I wish him all the best.
Lana Van Hout
Charity: Child Cancer foundation
Whomst? As it is written in the bible, every season of Celebrity Treasure Island must have a woman named Lana on it. I just have my fingers and toes crossed that this long distance runner and influencer is going to protect her precious feet against all scary coral with a vendetta against Lana’s worldwide. Actually, the coral’s all dead now so jokes on them. And me. And you.
Charity: Upside Downs NZ
Whomst? Let’s just say that the last time this ex-All Black went to a tropical island, things went quite badly indeed.
Charity: Dream Chaser
Whomst? One third of SOL3 MIO, Moses and I are actually best friends after appearing in the above video together four years ago. I have very high hopes that this guy will be the sol3 surviv0r of Celebrity Treasure Island.
Charity: Big Buddies NZ
Whomst? At 56 years old, this ex-league superstar is going to be the oldest on the island, but if Horse taught us anything it is that age is just a number and a human name is sometimes an animal name.
Charity: Diabetes NZ
Whomst? She somehow made it out of a Teuila Blakely call-out alive, so this Flava host might just have the chops to survive the harrowing conditions of Celebrity Treasure Island.
Charity: St Johns
Whomst? It’s only bloody heartthrob Nick Harrison back from the dead! One of New Zealand’s biggest stars of the 90s, Burnett was on Shortland Street for 13 years until producers rudely axed his character and sentenced him to celebrity jail aka Sing Like a Superstar. I am truly amping for his return and think it is absolutely crack up that St John’s is his charity. Viva la Nick.
Charity: Heart Kids NZ
You might remember Rosanna from the absolutely hectic reality series The GC, or perhaps from the time that Jaime Ridge beat her up in the name of charity. Since then, Rosanna has climbed the Instagram ranks and has as many followers as New Zealand has people.
Charity: Safe man, safe family
Whomst? Ladi 6 is so fucking cool and also says she has done zero preparation for the show, which I respect MASSIVELY. After what sounds like an extremely stressful year that caused her to retreat from the public eye, hopefully scrambling around in the dirt with celebrities is just what the doctor ordered.
Charity: Talk Peach
Whomst? Having appeared on Shortland Street, Young Hercules, In My Father’s Den, The Strip and even Melody Rules (RIP), if you don’t know Jodie Rimmer, you’ll know Jodie Rimmer. Are her and Karl Burnett mates from Ferndale? I bloody well hope so.
Charity: Blind foundation guide dogs
Whomst? Shannon Ryan was all over our radio and TV for a good while there, fronting C4 and George FM and The Block before disappearing to Tinseltown. Based on this NZ Herald article, she has quite a philosophical approach to travel: “It’s not just about the destination, the sand and sun, the fresh snow and cosy fire… I’ve learned that my desire to travel stems from a curiosity to understand us funny old humans.” Good social game? I sure hope so.