This week Joseph Harper doesn’t even get near a joystick or touchscreen. Instead he salivates over some very welcome news from E3.
I didn’t go to E3 because I’m not rich and cool etc but by god did I get a lot of breaking news on my Facebook feed. It’s definitely cool that everyone will soon be spending five million hours doing shouts and hoarding books and axes in a remastered Skyrim. King Hideo Kojima’s new thing looks weird and good. Resident Evil is going in a Blair Witch direction. The Last Guardian is finally going to come out.
Mostly though I watched the trailer for the new Zelda game again and again because it looks fricken amazing. Here are the coolest bits to me:
Armour
I love a tunic as much as the next person, and we all enjoy slipping into a slinky red and rocking up to a volcano. Sartorially speaking though, Link’s closet has never really popped (sick boots excluded). Breath of the Wild seems like it’s going to be taking on some rpg mechanics, including stat boosting items and apparel. As a fan of the Sims who thought the best part of GTA:SA was getting ripped and buying trilbies, this is something I’m excited about.
Food
Our Lord and Saviour, Miyamoto, showed in a series of very long gameplay sessions that you’ll no longer be lifting rocks to find little hearts. In this game you’ll have to find food items and prepare a Murakami stye ‘simple meal’.
NSFW
Apparently you can strip Link down to his gruts in this game ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Master Sword
The famed Master Sword has seemingly been set upon by rust monsters. It looks owned. But that doesn’t stop me from searching “rusty master sword cosplay” on ebay because I want it.
Ducks
I dunno, I just like this. Keen to cook duck l’orange.
Ah the Serenity
In a delightfully Skyrim twist, the map looks fricken massive and apparently it’s going to to take several years to find all the hidden mini-dungeons etc.
Tokoroa Mode
Apparently you can cut down trees which is cool. In Ocarina of Time it was very annoying that you could go ham rolling into trees and really give it hell but you couldn’t knock em down.
Spiderman Mode
I like this digital Clip ‘n’ Climb mechanic and would also be keen to go to an irl Clip ‘n’ Climb.
Groovy lil Villains
The enemies shown in the trailer and gameplay demos seem to have a lot of personality. They also kind of resemble a nice middle ground between Wind Waker style cartooniness and Most Other 3D Zelda’s darker aesthetic.
Queenstown mode
Just look at it ffs. It looks amazing.
Check of the full trailer below. The game looks good. Now if Nintendo could only stop spewing dumb sexist stuff.
Like all our gaming content this post was brought to you with the help of Bigpipe, the ISP that’s a leaf on the wind.