Rebecca Hawkes performing at Show Ponies

BooksJanuary 15, 2021

The Friday Poem: While you were partying I studied the blade by Rebecca Hawkes

Rebecca Hawkes performing at Show Ponies

The first Friday Poem for 2021 is by Wellington poet Rebecca Hawkes.

While you were partying I studied the blade

I your ever-loving edgelord         God-emperor

of the bot army & bitcoin mine         subsisting

on an IV drip of gamer girl bathwater

finally           my loneliness

is your responsibility……….        you see

I need a girlfriend        

assigned to me by the state

real socialists 

redistribute…………    pussy


……….I see no rational problem with this

I have performed significant research           

through free to view explicit streaming services        

so I am         confident

that everyone is always coming simultaneously

………………..except for me

it’s like the world is one big wheelbarrow race

& I’m the only one who couldn’t find a buddy    


so while you walked around on your hands and knees     panting

I have amassed a fine array of collectable weaponry

live by the sword        die by the crushing solitude………. 


while you downloaded & deleted dating apps

I educated myself        via gentleman vloggers    

analysing the acceptable minimum

age at which to ask a girl for feet pics

the good sirs of swordplay          & semiautomatics

we are fully loaded martyrs to love……… benevolently

contemptuous………. we’re the last true romantics

& our bookshelves are stacked with expensive mecha busts

& tasteful ornamental skulls……………


while you’re all “well actually

the theory of hegemonic masculinity

specifically says that most men never wholly access the promises

of male privilege under patriarchy”         what I hear is      

you admit there’s a human pyramid

& if I play the game right                  I can climb

over the heaving crush of bodies         to the very tip of it


I          the whole world’s unsung hero    

adrift in a musky nimbus of antiperspirant &

reconstituted corn snack seasoning

my bloodshot overstimulated isolation

endless as the feed that leaves me empty………..


because despite all my logic & reason

my need to get truly loved is in everything

like the real conspiracy of 5G           

contaminating my cells             

a permeating frequency         

       in desperate vibration  

to be the little spoon    


to wake up wrapped in you

to find the tender grass on our 

oddly monocultural lawn

sopping with real mountain dew………..

lurid syrup so hi-fructose our arteries explode together


yes……..    once you are mine          I will be so sweet to you

I have perfected every detail of the fantasy       

I have modelled it in unreal engine

& acted it out with my Sims family


so while you took our potential coupledom for granted

I burned for this love

like a telecommunications tower……………

look upon me as I demonstrate

I am climbing the e-sports studio of the SkyTower right now

with terrible purpose       

to set myself on fire        


like King Kong the world’s most legendary incel

sacrificing himself for a spoilt bitch he’ll never get with

I am so noble       

I am sacrificing myself for all women


the big gorilla got his name in global lights

a sympathetic screenplay for the pathetic simp

so the least you could do is         promise me

the convenience of your body


you are a special prize          for nice guys

O moist femoid               your hot 

wet heart merely another

collection of holes      I hope to fill……..

but once you swallow

my redpill              if u can prove

that you are within 5 points of my IQ     

I’ll let you see my             Rick & Morty tattoo…………………..


oho…….       well           actually

while you blocked me on all your social media

I have discovered true community        & we

have developed a solution           for all men


the men are going our own way………….

the men are going to get what we deserve……..

the men will not say where we are going

just that you are not invited…………………

the men are going             

we are going     for real this time…………….


but we will keep turning around         

to check that you’re still watching


The Friday Poem is edited by Chris Tse. Submissions are currently closed and will open again in March 2021.

The Spinoff Review of Books is proudly brought to you by Unity Books, recently named 2020 International Book Store of the Year, London Book Fair, and Creative New Zealand. Visit Unity Books Wellington or Unity Books Auckland online stores today. 

Mad Chapman, Editor
Aotearoa continues to adapt to a new reality and The Spinoff is right there, sorting fact from fiction to bring you the latest updates and biggest stories. Help us continue this coverage, and so much more, by supporting The Spinoff Members.Madeleine Chapman, EditorJoin Members

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