The first in our week-long series, counting down the greatest New Zealand television moments of the year. First up? Ali G, jizz smears and secret burps. Contributions by Alex Casey and Calum Henderson.
41) Takes two tractors to tango
The triumphant TV One show This Town spent time chilling out with regular New Zealanders and their various idiosyncrasies. Ditching the snarky narration of Neighbours at War and Come Dine With Me for quiet observation, we watched with joy as Southland men dressed in drag and danced with each other on tractors. Magic. / AC
42) Will you accept this tooth?
Natalie’s journey on The Bachelor was one paved with awkwardness, stumbles and treacherous dives. In the fourth week of the show, their romantic sunset dive into the ocean screamed to a halt as she donated a small piece of tooth to Tangaroa himself.
43) Mad Maz
Maz Quinn’s two appearances on Dancing With the Stars must rank among the most harrowing scenes on New Zealand TV this year. The Kiwi surfing legend wore extremely tight pants, a blazer with the sleeves rolled up and a look of pure existential dread as he first foxtrotted, then cha-cha’d, his way across the dancefloor and straight out the door. Mercifully, he was the first contestant to be eliminated, leaving at the end of week two and never looking back. / CH
44) The useless Rhombus daybed
The early drama on The Block NZ: Villa Wars took the form of the rhombus daybed: a truly useless piece of furniture commissioned for House 1 by likable jokers Cat and Jeremy. When they moved into House 3 in the second week they tried to take it with them, but the move was deemed illegal by site foreman Peter Wolfkamp. Instead, he made Jamie and Hayden pay them $2000 bucks for it. From that point Cat and Jeremy soared, while Jamie and Hayden sunk deeper and deeper into debt. The rhombus daybed took the form of an albatross around their necks. / CH
45) Rachel Hunter craps herself
Rachel Hunter’s Tour of Beauty brought with it some exceptional moments, one of which happened in India. Putting her actual arse on the line, Rachel had some sort of enema that took longer than usual to… eventuate. So long that they closed down the spa around her, switching the lights off as she sat patiently. “Everybody’s left and I still haven’t… taken a poo” Rachel says desperately down the barrel, before quickly scampering off to create one of the finest subtitles in NZ TV history. / AC
46) Ali G comes to MKRNZ
We don’t yet know if William and Zoe have won MKRNZ, but I’m ready to hand them the Golden Trophy For Kitchen Laughs for William’s very surprising, very quiet Ali G impression in week eight. If he doesn’t sing a parody version of ‘Me Julie’ in the finale entitled ‘Me Julienne Carrots’ then I don’t know why we bother doing anything. / AC
47) Hatbeard’s musical jizz smear
Never forget on X Factor NZ when Tonks sung ‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley whilst spreading a suspicious white fluid across a window for whatever reason. What was it made of? What was he drawing? These are some of the biggest unanswered questions of 2015. / AC
48) Peter Williams vs Glideboard
“I feel completely and utterly out of control.” – Peter Williams, 2015. When technology and broadcasting royalty of this calibre meet, you bet your ass that sparks are going to fly. The glide board is the stupid gadget of 2015, and to have it baptised on Breakfast by a teetering Williams one quiet morning can only mean one thing: it’s here to stay. / AC
49) Farrier vs Simmons
When Newsworthy‘s David Farrier went to interview Gene Simmons in October he caught the KISS bassist on what he later described as “a weird sort of gay joke buzz.” Simmons chastised Farrier for his choice of footwear (jandals), pointing out his own “manly boots” as a more acceptable alternative, and insisted on brushing his interviewer’s hair with a comb he seemingly to pluck out of thin air. “It was a pleasure to meet me,” he told Farrier as the interview wrapped up. / CH
50) Sad chicken challenge on Seven Sharp
In July this year, the hot topic on everyone’s lips was having a nosh on some Kereru. On Seven Sharp, Tim Wilson hit the streets with bow tie and a box of bird meat (chicken) to see if punters would down on our majestic native bird. I will never forget this arresting scene featuring a darkened carpark and a Tupperware container full of cooked chicken. / AC
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