After watching CNN’s three hour, 11 candidate Republican debate yesterday, Duncan Greive assesses the general vibe of each candidate, with help from Alex Casey on speech bubbles
Rand Paul: Guy who woke up in his car – again.
Mike Huckabee: Crew member in charge of laughing at leader’s jokes / Will dance for VP selection
Marco Rubio: Best Supporting Actor Academy Award Nominee for playing a President
Ted Cruz: Funeral Preacher. Doesn’t know the name of the deceased.
Ben Carson: Guy you have a ‘save me’ signal for, in case you get stuck talking to them at a party.
Donald Trump: DONALD TRUMP
Jeb Bush: Exasperated Fourth Form Dean
Scott Walker: Inherited his Dad’s SME manufacturing firm and suit. Neither fits.
Carly Fiorina: Reconditioned Second Generation Synth
John Kasich: Car boot lawyer
Chris Christie: Bargain store frontman (above Mad Butcher, below Adrienne and John from Magness Benrow)
The Spinoff Daily gets you all the days' best reading in one handy package, fresh to your inbox Monday-Friday at 5pm.