Please enjoy this year’s premiere episode of Shorty Street Scandal, wherein James Mustapic recaps the past week of Ferndale hijinks. This week? Hanky panky, a creaky baby and Leanne’s heartbreaking pyjama woes:
We were off to a roaring start to the year with a spiffing series of summer makeovers, marking a new era for Dallas and his tightly-buttoned floral shirts. Things soon came crashing down when Honor violently slapped Ula – funny how Frankie Adams received the most hits to the face just before leaving for Hollywood. We treat our aspirational actors well here in New Zealand. Muzza and Wendo weren’t too phased by it, “how many times have we wanted to slap our kids?!”
In the hanky panky stakes, some were getting loads and some were truly out of luck. Honor and Kane were finally allowed to move in together under the condition that they kept their hands off each other, which seems very difficult to police without Murray dressing up as a house plant and watching their every move.
If only Honor and Kane had the independent luxuries of Rachel and Garrett – wearing all of the white jean and linen shirt combos their hearts desire and hanky pankying till Chris inevitably catches them.
Whilst Nicole remained in a coma for most of the week, the real area of urgent medical concern was her creaky-ass new baby:
The stress of it was all too much. Fed up with a the loud The Grudge-like baby noises and Michael endlessly performing terrible juggling tricks, Leanne took to gently weeping into Nicole’s pyjamas. Maybe someone should get Leanne a hanky (panky?).
And let us not forget our main man and spirit animal TK. During a heated argument with Boyd, there is no disputing he began telling him to “go homo.” What a week.
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.