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Shortland Street Power Rankings: Bow down, Queen Rachel is back

Tara Ward brings you her Easter-themed Shortland Street Power Rankings for last week, including Ali’s new uber business, Rachel’s return and Mo’s terrible toast. Find all the eggs and win absolutely nothing. 

It was Easter in Ferndale and the cute little Easter bunny sprinkled his seasonal joy all over town. The eggs have been power ranked; find the biggest one (spoiler alert: it’s Drew) and win a trip of a lifetime to – wait for it – Ferndale. Visit all the famous sights, including the pedestrian crossing, the park bench and the alleyway outside the IV. T&Cs: Ferndale is entirely fictional and if you think this is a real competition then you are an idiot.

But now, to the rankings:

1) Narelle says f*ck it to the b*cket (list)

Narelle treats Kylie to a feast of champagne and smoked salmon, hoping that a flash meal will convince her to help end Narelle’s life. It doesn’t, because there’s no way Kylie’s breaking the law unless there’s a giant wheel of camembert on offer. The jury is still out – mostly because the deli is shut for Easter.

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2) Rachel survived the long journey back to deepest Ferndale

Rachel returned from the public servant paradise that is our nation’s capital. Suddenly, all is well with the world: budget problems are solved, Chris is put in his place, and Drew is reinstated to the plastic surgery clinic. Bow down, the Queen is back.

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3) Boyd is perfectly healthy and magic is the only explanation

Boyd didn’t contract any fatal illnesses from sticking someone else’s needle into his pinkie. How does his scientific brain explain the patient’s miraculous recovery from Hep C? It’s magic, that’s what, and Boyd is a convert. Next week: Boyd pulls a heart transplant out of his hat.

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4) Ali is still engaged to a money hungry, sofa loving princess

Watching Ali and Sabina together is like watching two bits of plywood nailed to a wall. “Do something! Be interesting!” you shout at the plywood, but it gives nothing back. “You promised me we’d go shopping!” Sabina whined. “These things happen. As adults, we have to deal with it,” Ali mumbled, eyes downcast as he wondered how long this storyline will last.

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What about being honest, Ali? “I’m working two fricking jobs, you crazy biarch, I don’t have enough cash for a chai soy latte let alone a $4000 couch so that your princess arse can spend all day lying on it watching Tipping Point.” I really hope Sabrina buys a bucket, so I have something to vomit into.

5) Drew tries to worm his way back into Harper’s scrubs

Nothing new there, then.

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6) Curtis and Ali have an uber-crazy idea

Keen to make some quick cash after Ali falls asleep and drives his car into the pizza parlour, Curtis and Ali check behind the couch cushions and scrounge enough spare change to buy the best Nanamobile in Ferndale.

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They start up an illegal taxi scheme, because their Daihatsu Charade was born for a high speed police chase. Hopefully Sabina will be in the back seat as they drive far, far away. Further than that. Bit further. Nearly there. Keep going, Ali, I’ll tell you when to stop.

7) Mo cooks up some corker Dad jokes

“Let’s make a toast to Victoria,” Mo chuckled as his trigger-happy mistress sat down for breakfast, exhausted from a night of MoTor passion in Margaret’s still-warm bed. Steady as you go, Mo, one more bad joke and you could be toast. Just going to stand there and watch him burn, Victoria?

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Congratulations, you made it through another week in Ferndale. Did you find all the Easter eggs? Did you? Did you? Well done, you’re sadder than Ali’s bank balance. Will Kylie get a cheese headache and agree to help Narelle die? Will Boyd do his rounds wearing a black cape and white gloves? Will we ever see Drew’s face again? What a yolk.


 

Shortland Street airs 7pm weekdays of TV2, click here to catch up on TVNZ Ondemand

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