Is this the most indecent produce ever to make it to novelty auction in NZ?

They’re firm, fuzzy and ready to go. In their profile photo, the two excited kiwifruit are perfectly poised on what appears to be a white leather couch, showing off their best angles in a way reminiscent of bored couples looking for a third on Tinder. They are, as the auction title states, “Horny Kiwi Fruit”. 

This “one of a kind Kiwi fruit couple” is being offered on Trade Me by Potty351, a reputable seller based in Ohakune who has 100% positive feedback from 290 trades. Mostly the reviews say “great trade”. 

Potty351 claims these were the first two kiwifruit they pulled from a bag given to them by a friend, and that they had never seen a “male” kiwifruit before. The male is “hung 60cm and her bottom is 80cm across”, which seems impossible – even if it’s meant to be millimetres, these are remarkable dimensions. 

As is the law for all novelty auctions featuring phallically misshapen fruit and veg, the horny kiwifruit have been featured in Trade Me’s “Cool Auctions” section. Potty351 has been very diligent in responding to all questions and statements. One reply hints at the motivation behind the auction: “we got to laugh more than ever in this World of clowns”.

To more than one inquiry asking if the auction is for charity, they have revealed that the proceeds will go towards helping “rebuild my house from a fire”, explaining that they have “no insurance”. 

Currently the listing – which closes tomorrow (Tuesday) at 6.59pm – has 59 bids and is up to $61. Potty351 has been approached for comment.