Mushrooms are having a cultural moment which is well deserved when you think of just how many qualities these spongy little weirdos possesses – not least being extremely good to eat.

The mushroom, the spore-bearing fruit of a fungus that we happily put in our mouths. From the cute white button to portobello, shiitake, oyster and enoki, the mushroom is a fridge staple that most people are quite fond of, despite its weird aquarian gills and poisonous cousins. (There is also, of course, the magical variety, which has more mixed reviews.)

The mushroom is an important friend to vegetarians, by being fleshy enough to adequately replace, well, flesh. It’s also a great source of crucial B-vitamins, as well as selenium and zinc, and is the only “vegetable” containing vitamin D. As well as its nutritional qualities, the mushroom family is also the subject of award-winning literature and documentaries, which isn’t something that could be claimed by, say, bean sprouts.

Where to find it

The two standard mushroom varieties, the “white button” and “brown flat” (aka portobello) mushroom, can easily be found at your supermarket. No surprises there. At time of writing, you’re looking at $13.99/kg at New World for buttons, and a more reasonable $10/kg at both Pak’nSave and Countdown (about $0.40 per mushroom). New World’s portobello mushrooms are $19.99/kg, Countdown’s are $18.99/kg, and at Pak’nSave’s $17.99.

However, if you’re looking for something a little more exotic – say, fresh shiitake, oyster, or enoki – often you’ve come to the wrong place. Try your luck at the local green grocer, Asian supermarket, or even Farro.

You can also buy an oyster mushroom growing kit for $40, if you’re fungally curious or looking for a startling Christmas present. My previous flat had a mushroom patch from one of these kits, and it grew some fabulous oyster mushrooms until the neighbourhood cats decided that its bed of wood chips made an even more fabulous litter box.

How to make it terrible

Perhaps there are standard ways to ruin a mushroom during cooking, but I tend to think of them as pretty resilient. Fried, baked, barbecued, it’s all good – although maybe don’t boil or steam a mushroom, because that sounds… wet. Even raw, they’re quite palatable, with an inoffensive sponginess.

There is one pretty simple way to have a terrible mushroom experience, though: eat a poisonous one. The joys of diarrhoea, nausea and headaches will soon come to call. I read (the introduction to) an academic paper about mushroom poisoning, which said, “Eating small amounts of [very] poisonous mushrooms can cause liver, kidney, or even brain impairments and sometimes death”. It’s no joke, with an estimated 100-plus deaths caused by mushroom poisoning each year, and one Waikato doctor suffering dangerous and excruciating liver failure in 2020 after eating a death cap mushroom.

This happens because of inexperienced mushroom foraging, one of the most dangerous pastimes you can select. Forget smoking – foraging is the deliberate life choice we should be mad about draining our public health resources. In short, pick your mushrooms from a plastic supermarket tray, not a damp patch of your garden.

Another note on “terrible”: Some people swear by the idea that you can ruin mushrooms by washing them, because they soak up water like a sponge and then refuse to crisp up. Instead, the suggestion is to wipe away any dirt with a damp paper towel. This may be great advice, but personally I wash my mushrooms in a bowl of water or just knock off the dirt – I’ve never had reason to complain about a soggy mushroom. I have, however, complained silently to myself about trying to wipe tiny dirt speckles off a pile of mushrooms using a falling-apart paper towel.

How to make it amazing

Risotto, fettuccine, bibimbap. Baked whole, stuffed with cheese, sliced into a stir-fry, sautéed with cream, wedged between two burger buns, scattered on a pizza – there’s almost nowhere a mushroom doesn’t belong.

Personally, I like to fry mine in butter with sautéed garlic and plenty of fresh herbs, then add a quick pour of cream, a dash of balsamic, and fresh black pepper. Serve on sourdough toast with parmesan, or stir through spaghetti – the perfect meal.

Another favourite which I know has converted a few anti-mushroomites is this creamy, peanutty, lemony, miso-y soba noodle recipe, piled with mushrooms fried in sesame oil and steamed greens (main picture). It’s also a vegan dish, but the kind of vegan that meat eaters wouldn’t even notice because there’s so much flavour (and that fleshy mushroom bite).

Yes to a creamy mushroom sauce. No to a bout of crying on the toilet.

Wyoming Paul is the co-founder of Grossr, a meal kit alternative through your supermarket.