We review the entire country and culture of New Zealand, one thing at a time. Today, in this men-only post, we salute a man ad for a man house.
This post is for men only. Ladies, please close the window.
Move over, man cave. Get ready to swipe your man card for the mansion.
The Spinoff Board of Review’s attention was drawn this morning to an unusually masculine real estate listing.
The free gift with purchase? A golf jacket, a round of golf, and some golf balls. Man balls.
Real estate agent Tim Webb – Timbo, he calls himself in the promo video* as he misses a putt on the front lawn – likes golf, and he likes this house and this house likes golf, and if you’re a Kiwi you’ll know that golf is all about men.
Speaking of men, “Now, if you haven’t already heard: New Zealand men, they’re making a comeback,” says Tim. “Although there’s a few Kiwi women around who would like to dispute the fact. And there’s a whole lot more that are just in complete denial.”
Truth to power.
“As if impossible meant nothing, the man who put men back on the map hasn’t forgotten about your other half, either,” continues Timbo, rock star agent from Barfoots, which is a managram for Pubface.
Are you a family man? “You’re gonna earn super-sized points with the missus because this feature packed family home will see her beaming ear to ear.”
But not too much family stuff, right! “After many thousands of years, the domestic rules of engagement have actually been amended in men’s favour.”
Finally. But how? There’s a study upstairs, “for you to conveniently retire to if there’s any hint of dishes, washing up, or any housework whatsoever.”
You’re killing us, Timbo! Did we die and go to Tui ad heaven?
“Remember, this house was built by a man, with man in mind. He gets you. He understands you … There’s even room for a boat. But why are you surprised? Man thinks of everything.” Come to the open home, men: “Bring a putter along, and a coldie if you want.”
Good or bad: MAN.
– Toby Manhire, a man
* Update: The man-themed video has been taken down, after inquiries by non-men.
In response to an inquiry from Spinoff lady reporter Madeleine Chapman, Tim wrote: “I sincerely apologise. It appears I have gone a little too far on this one. It was not my intention to offend anyone. Love to see you at the Open Home where you can wave a big stick at me. Appreciate the open and honest feedback. Thanks and have a lovely day.”
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