One Question Quiz

MediaApril 24, 2018

AM Show hosts launch yet another blistering attack on AM Show hosts


Breakfast carnage continues on Newshub as Mark Richardson and Duncan Garner tear chunks out of Mark Richardson and Duncan Garner

Last week New Zealand had barely begun recovering from the sight of broadcaster Duncan Garner’s blistering attack on broadcaster Duncan Garner over free speech when broadcaster Mark Richardson stole his fellow broadcaster’s thunder with a blistering attack on broadcaster Mark Richardson.

Today, New Zealand’s leading post-modernist broadcasters have capped these blistering attacks with another blistering attack. In a mesmerising few minutes which saw a condemnation of shallow mean-spirited attacks, an exhortation for opinion-makers to shut up, and a fearless critique of troll-bait media editorialising, Duncan Garner and Mark Richardson rounded on Duncan Garner and Mark Richardson, blisteringly.

Duncan Garner, who last week defended Israel Folau for speaking his mind about gay people being destined to go to hell before denouncing the “free speech police” in a transparent attack on Duncan Garner, today found himself disgusted by a column published in the New Zealand Herald, which contained serious allegations regarding prime ministerial squeeze Clarke Gayford looking happy and having an “e” at the end of his name.

“This column, I think it really worries me,” blistered Duncan Garner. “I think it’s a nasty, vile piece of bile, that column. Obnoxious … She doesn’t like him, so she’s written about him in a column.”

Mark Richardson, who late last week revealed he is sick of Mark Richardson, launched a blistering attack on Duncan Garner by dialling 1-1-Speech-Police: “I think [Gayford] is an unfair target. He’s just doing what he’s meant to do, and good luck to him.”

Mark Richardson then turned on Mark Richardson. “I was going to say it’s an unnecessary column, but I’m not. Because unfortunately the way it’s going at the moment, I don’t know whether it’s our fault or their fault, it probably is necessary, to get the readership, to keep this rag alive, which is just run by opinion, half-truths and innuendo these days.”

Duncan Garner was not finished with Duncan Garner yet, however. “I don’t like this guy for some reason, is what she said,” said Duncan Garner, before, in a vicious jab at Duncan Garner, redialling the speech constabulary. “Keep it to yourself!” said Duncan Garner.

Mark Richardson later added in a blistering and also quite poignant and affecting moment, “This is the crap we want to read, We should be disgusted in ourselves, for creating the environment and the appetite for this dross.”

Duncan Garner said, “Have you ever been disgusted with yourself?”

Mark Richardson said, “Plenty of times.”

A senior Spinoff source who asked to remain anonymous said, “Perhaps we are all bottom-feeders, insatiably feeding together.” The source added that this series of Spinoff pieces had very much run their course by about the second paragraph of this one and they would stop doing them now, “probably”.

The Bulletin is The Spinoff’s acclaimed, free daily curated digest of all the most important stories from around New Zealand delivered directly to your inbox each morning.

Sign up now

Keep going!