Throw the man a dolphin and buy his $1.9m Point Chevalier house.
When we think of ‘public service journalism’ we usually think of holding the government to account and filing lots of OIAs. But public service comes in many forms, and one of the greatest public service television programmes of the 21st century is the MTV show Cribs.
The public service performed by Cribs is simple: it allows us to have a right proper nose around a celebrity’s house without annoying said celebrity, getting beaten up, trespassed or arrested.
The homes featured on Cribs are usually opulent mansions owned by super rich Hollywood celebrities. Since New Zealand celebrities tend to live more humbly than their American counterparts, many believe that a New Zealand version of the show ‘wouldn’t work’. But the opulence is only a minor factor in the show’s appeal – once you’ve seen one AV room you’ve seen them all. Really, it’s all about the celebrities, and our insatiable desire to see what their houses look like.
Cribs would actually work on any scale, and for proof of that we need look no further than this real estate video for Jordan Luck’s house, which he is currently selling through Harcourts.
Be honest: we have all at one stage in our lives wondered what Jordan Luck’s house was like. It’s human nature to be curious. Does the author of hit drinking anthems ‘Victoria’ and ‘Why Does Love Do This To Me?’ live in the lap of luxury, or in a motel unit in Greenlane? Who could really know.
Well, now we have the answer: the Dance Exponents frontman has been doing OK, living in a nice three double bedroom house bordering Western Springs park. It has a “magical kitchen” and a studio where the garage used to be. “You can still park a car in here if you want,” says Luck, though it doesn’t really look like you could.
Inside the house is well-presented, but the property’s real draw is the outdoor areas. There are three large decks, a revelation which prompts the utterance of the singer’s cryptic catch phrase “throw me a dolphin.” A path through the trees leads all the way down to Meola Stream. “I’ve swum in it, yeah,” claims Luck.
The property has played host to “many a grand function” over the last two decades, with “no noise complaints.” According to QV the property was last sold in 1999 for $250,000. It has a 2017 Capital Value of $1.9 million.
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This is a two-and-a-half video produced by a real estate company. Imagine how good it would be as a fully-realised 10-minute TV segment. While you’re imagining that, imagine what Dave Dobbyn’s house is like, or the Big Save Furniture Lady’s. Does TK from Shortland Street have a cool house, or does he live in a damp, uninsulated flat with Vinnie and Nicole?
If the answer is ‘I don’t know… but now I want to find out’, then the solution couldn’t be clearer: there needs to be a New Zealand version of Cribs.
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