Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 10.06.19 am

NewsOctober 2, 2014

Five Scary Things in the AHS: Freak Show Opening Credits

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 10.06.19 am

Massive spook-fest American Horror Story: Freak Show begins next week. Today they unleashed the carnival-of-creeps opening credits to get everyone sufficiently amped/terrified for the season ahead.

Here are the five top-billing Freak Show friends, in no particular order:

1) Tentacle John
Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 10.40.48 am

He’s just a regular guy chilling out on a crate except he has two tentacle things instead of feet and fingers. Seems non-threatening due to his fingers forming a constant peace/hang ten sign. Definitely the mediator of the freak show.

2) Two Headed Man Kissing Himself
Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 10.06.32 am

Ever just loved yourself so much you wish you had two heads and could kiss yourself? The dream has come very true for this lucky sir. What if one of the heads wasn’t into it? Also, they share the same body so does one of them do all the eating? Or do they share? What if they eat too much? What if they then feel sick? Who gets to vomit? I am hoping these questions and more will be answered in Season Four.

3) Clown Missing Skull Cap
Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 10.06.19 am

If Hannibal has taught us anything, it’s that a person can live with the top of their skull cut off for a surprisingly long time. They can even talk for a while too, albeit dribbling and slurred, so this clown could potentially be a key player in the show.

4) Leggy Blonde
Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 10.06.13 am

This woman appears to be blessed with three legs, one of which is occupying prime weiner real-estate. She has adorned it with a gorgeous glittery boot. Could be based on the real three-legged man, once scorned by Karl Pilkington for choosing to be a juggler and not a professional runner. Wait, is she even a woman? Is she a man? I’m not calling it. Gender is spherical, legs are spherical.

5) Dolls Swapping Heads
Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 10.06.21 am

You are dolls, you shouldn’t be doing that. In fact, you should be doing the exact opposite of that. Stay still. Stay intact. Stop freaking everyone out.

American Horror Story: Freak Show begins on SoHo on October 13th
Watch American Horror Story on Lightbox by clicking here to start your 30 day trial

If Auckland’s roads are anything to go by, the city is struggling. Image: Tina Tiller

Auckland is losing it

As 'Freedom Day' approaches, the people of Tāmaki Makaurau appear to be at the end of their tether.
A new documentary follows Scribe’s grim past, and looks towards a hopefully brighter future. Image compilation: TVNZ/Tina Tiller

Behind the scenes of Scribe’s new documentary

'We knew that potentially it could be an incomplete or unfinished story arc and that the end of the story might well be Scribe's vanished again.'
Mad Chapman, Editor
The Spinoff has covered the news that matters in 2021, most recently the delta outbreak. Help us continue this coverage, and so much more, by supporting The Spinoff Members.Madeleine Chapman, EditorJoin Members

Get The Spinoff
in your inbox


Residents pay respect by placing flowers for the victims of the mosques attacks in Christchurch on March 16, 2019. (TESSA BURROWS/AFP/Getty Images)

Hatred lives in New Zealand

The warning signs for yesterday's atrocity were everywhere, if only we'd looked – or listened to New Zealand's Muslim community, writes former race relations commissioner Susan Devoy.