With The Bachelor NZ coming to TV3 on March 17, Alex Casey analyses all the biographies of the newly-announced Bachelorettes, and flags some early favourites to look out for. //
The Bachelor NZ is mere weeks away, and finally we are getting a little more intel on the women looking to find love in a hopeless place (Karaka mansion). Although we still know nothing (well, nothing confirmed) about who The Bachelor is, the lineup of Bachelorettes has been revealed with accompanying bios and photographs.
I went over them with a fine-toothed comb, and have extracted all you need to know about our first ever group of Bachelorettes.
This high school english teacher is passionate about mucking around, looking after mistreated animals, and presumably world peace. She loves chocolate and cake. How this compares with Art’s strict Paleo diet, we’ll soon find out. Alysha has popped up a bit in the promos so far, which helps her chances of sticking around. It’s like the ancient proverb says, “good sound bites get fantasy suite invites.”
This hair and makeup artist loves a good paddleboard. Her dream date is to go paddleboarding. I like her because her words to live by are, “be yourself… just don’t be cranky!” which suggests that she might go head to head with some original cranksters in the house. She can burp the alphabet, which should definitely appear in her post-limo introduction.
She’s a personal trainer who loves a bloody vodka and soda. She wants a dog called Benji and a “masculine man” who can be her best friend. Do any of these ladies have friends?! Her words to live by are “Only Time will tell!”, the irregular capitalisation of which suggests she might be a real loose unit.
At just 21, Carissa seems very young, but she already owns a section of land and is looking to build a house in May. Bodes well for a MediaWorks spinoff reality series Our First Marital Home.
The perfect Bachelorette name, Chrystal is a massage therapist who has been to 75 countries. Her ideal date is “Beach. Blanket. Sushi” which sounds like the worst combo of things I have ever heard in my life. But then I haven’t been to 75 countries, so what do I know?
I can feel the baggage on Cristy, who immediately says she “is ready to meet the right one after a lot of wrong ones.” Cristy is jonesing for sexual chemistry and wants to be married with kids within five years. Also, unsurprisingly, loves a going to the beach for a date. Didn’t realise this was The Beachelor.
Solo accordion champion of NZ at age 17, Danielle B now runs her own successful scuba business. Her dream date is horse riding on the beach – which we know The Bachelor can provide – followed by tapas. I am very against this dream date trend of eating lovely food in a sandy hell. She has a confusing door-based motto: “don’t try force a door down, if you are patient the right door will open by itself.”
This mother of two loves Ironman competitions, and her dream date is to jog around looking for the perfect swimming spot and then eat a whole menu of Vietnamese food (not on a beach though, for a first). She’s looking for sexual attraction, assemble the FANTASY SUITE.
Enjoys spending time at home with her twin sister, who I’m assuming is Ruby Frost.
Has been described as “honest, someone who gets straight to the point”. Early frontrunner as a drama firestarter. Fiona has a very specific dream date – going to the Caroline Bay Carnival in Timaru, to enjoy late night games and food stalls whilst listening to live music. Her motto is “live life,” which I reckon is easy enough.
Foodie entrepreneur alert! Hayley has a double major in nutrition and physiology, and is looking to open a food health store. We all know that our Bachelor is trying to do essentially the EXACT SAME THING. Early fave for a Paleo bacon rose and even the quinoa-encrusted ring.
She’s a primary school teacher, a shearer and a cheerleader who is also trying her hand at amateur stone carving. Could be handy when dealing with The Bachelor’s CHISELED ABS.
The fiery More FM wildcard, Lisa loves a bit of rugby, loves a bit of sport, and yet has never had a serious relationship. Screams a way cooler New Zealand version of Becca from The Bachelor US.
Matilda loves a good Dad joke (“the best thing you can make for dinner… is a reservation”). She’s looking for a best friend (who isn’t), and “doesn’t want to get caught up in the fine print” of life. Hope you read your contract at least buddy!
Michelle has just your classic Bachelorette bio. Loves the beach, loves a family man, and is looking for her best friend. Her proudest achievement was losing 15kgs, and she is now very focussed on health and fitness. Is anyone going to admit to being a regular slob on this show? Never. This isn’t The Fatchelor.
Predict Natalie will be the wild child of the group, described as “slightly crazy” which translates to very crazy. Her catchphrase is “YOLO”, so it would be wise look out for her. In a shock twist, her dream date is to eat fish and chips on the beach. Dream bigger everyone!
This chess champion Queen is looking for her own Knight. Her dream date is eating vegetarian dinner on the beach. Take a number and get in line, your beach waiter will be with you shortly.
Nikki was entered by her twin sister, and decided to stick around because she think she can win. Having a twin could create an interesting Parent Trap situation. Oh, and her dream date is eating fish and chips on the beach. Goes without saying at this stage.
This English Rose is a very smart addition to the house. Everyone knows that a Bachelorette with an accent is almost always a villain – just look at Amber on The Bachelor Australia. Her worst characteristic is jealousy, which I can’t see being a problem in a house of 21 women all vying for the affection of one man.
This is Rosie’s dream date: “a day walking barefoot through the untouched and dangerously unpredictable highlands of Papua New Guinea, with someone who has the grit of Bear Grylls and the mind of Steven Hawkins.” I think she means Stephen Hawking, but at least it’s not fish and chips on the beach.
A shy chiropractor, aka a shyropractor, who loves dogs and reading. On her dream first date she’d want her man to pick her up from her front door, and open her car door for her. I think Shivani has a problem with doors, which could be an issue because I’m told The Bachelor mansion is full of them.
The Bachelor NZ begins Tuesday March 17 on TV3.
NB: The Spinoff will be rolling out a Bachelor podcast hosted by the wonderful and talented (though not single, sorry Art) JANE YEE – so watch out for that cool and exciting piece of audio in the coming weeks.
Subscribe to Rec Room a weekly newsletter delivering The Spinoff’s latest videos, podcasts and other recommendations straight to your inbox.