Inflation is over – at least according to one business survey – so it’s time to celebrate! Shanti Mathias and Joel MacManus present a guide to hosting a no-more-inflation party. 

For many years (or since the end of 2020), inflation has been a scourge in the New Zealand economy. 

It reached a 30-year high in 2022, much like instances of people researching how to do a RAT test, burning down the parliament slide, and pretending to care about Queen Elizabeth II. 

Adrian Orr, the head of the reserve bank, told everyone to “cool their jets”. He pleaded with us to stop spending money, and we collectively laughed in his face as we ordered dumplings on UberEats, euphoric from low interest rates and stimulus money. 

We kept hearing about the CPI. Everyone got sick of talking about “the economy” and started talking about the “cost of living crisis” instead. Sadly, this new name didn’t make the experience of buying three small things in the supermarket for $30 much more enjoyable for many people. 

But at long last, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Obituary writers have their pens poised. Inflation has been beaten! 

Reports of inflation’s murder come from a business survey published by NZIBR (the New Zealand Institute of Business Research).  The Quarterly Survey of Business Opinions asks people who run companies what they’re thinking about, if they’re intending to lift prices of goods they sell and if they’re feeling OK. Stephen Toplis, BNZ’s head of research, wrote a note about it with the heading “QSBO says inflation beaten” (that’s according to Dan Brunskill of interest.co.nz, who has consistently been reporting on the inflation beat). The results of the survey have several people calling for interest rates to be cut sooner than the current forecast of next year – maybe, like, November? 

Economists got somewhat excited about this, with Kiwibank’s economics team saying “the inflation dragon has been slain, we’re just waiting for it to hit the turf.” Wow! This truly is a momentous moment, an occasional occasion and a celebratory celebration. 

Now, different people choose to recognise the end of inflation at different times. Maybe a quarterly business survey is enough for you; maybe you want to wait for the next consumer price index to see if prices really aren’t rising as much as they were. Or maybe you love to ride the winds of chance, and want to wait for the divining powers of the Reserve Bank to actually announce that interest rates are dropping. 

Whatever the end of inflation means to you, we at The Spinoff want to ensure you can observe it in the style the occasion demands. So here’s a quick guide to hosting an “inflation is over” party so everyone you love (and two finance ministers) can celebrate together.

Guests 

Adrian Orr: make sure you tell the Reserve Bank governor how grateful you are for his work. If you own your house, he’d love to hear about how much interest you’re paying on your mortgage, or some of the expensive purchases you chose not to make as a soldier in the war against inflation. 

Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Guy: Let your jets run hot in front of Orr while you spend $223.20 on this Pink 20ft Dancing Air Puppet with Flailing Arms, the friendliest inflatable thing you’ll ever meet. 

Your landlord: Now that inflation is over, your landlord will no longer be forced to increase your rent. What a relief that must be for them!

Grant Robertson and Nicola Willis: They’ll be needed for the entertainment section (see below). 

NOT INVITED: Whichever Act Party staffer wrote this terrible joke.

Entertainment 

The Canal-corridor Game: Remember that time a really big boat got jammed in the Suez canal when it was full of all the stuff we were buying while we were causing inflation? This game is a great way to remember that occasion, while also making the most of the small flat which is the only one you can afford because of price increases. In the narrowest corridor of your house (assuming you haven’t had to turn it into a bedroom), one guest stands in the middle, playing the role of “Ever Given”. The other guests, holding as many objects as possible (ideally from a pre-party shopping spree), try to get past, while the Ever Given attempts to stop them. The person holding the most stuff at the end of the corridor wins. 

Pin the Tail on Australian Inflation: This is a fun comparison game! Guests take turns being blindfolded. The blindfolded person is given a pin you’ve prepared, marked with different dates and their inflation data. (September 2021 – 4.9%, that kind of thing). On a corkboard graph you’ve set up (try one of these from Kmart and paint) with the percentage change of inflation on the vertical axis and the quarter on the horizontal axis, you try to guess Australia’s inflation rate at the same time. If New Zealand is higher, the non-blindfolded guests boo; if New Zealand is lower, everyone cheers. 

For a high-risk twist on this classic inflation game, blindfold everyone at once and let them loose in front of the corkboard. Any injuries sustained will be a nostalgic reminder of the prickle of fear experienced when checking your bank account during the high inflation years. 

Arm wrestling: Make the current and former minister of finance arm wrestle. The winner must acknowledge that it’s their party that is responsible for the economic burden high inflation has placed on New Zealand families. 

While these fun and games are important, it’s vital to remember that inflation is a serious thing. When the moment feels right, transition the party to an “in memoriam” section. Everyone can share their favourite memories of high inflation, or reflect on things they’d like to have bought but didn’t. While some might remember these years only for the high prices, there were some high points. The National Party inspired us all to get a side hustle. Succession finally finished, which was a huge relief to those of us who had been feeling left out because our colleagues talked about it all the time. Maybe there are a few other things which I’m not thinking of right now. Anyway, a good party has tears as well as laughter, so make sure there’s some room for mourning at your end-of-inflation gathering. 

Decor 

It wouldn’t be an inflation-related gathering if you didn’t have to inflate things! Blow up as many balloons as you can find, and feel grateful that the value of the dollar isn’t “blowing up” as well. If you’re thrifty, the decor can double as entertainment: reuse the inflation pins, and give each guest a bag of breath to ceremoniously pop before they leave.

A trip to Look Sharp should see you right – why not purchase the letters for C O S T O F L I V N G C R I S I S ($5 each, for a total of $85), some confetti balloons to add to the atmosphere ($3 for 12) and a variety of plain colours? 

Snacks 

We’ve been trying not to spend for years, and too many parties have been fed with $5 Domino specials. No more! It’s time to spend as much money as possible without fear of repercussions: inflation is over, baby! You should at least spring for Hell’s Pizza, but if you really want to demonstrate a devil-may-care attitude to the now-flourishing economy, why not buy one of those very long and expensive big bougie pizzas for everyone to pick at? 

A green salad: health is very important – make sure your guests are getting their dose of five-a-day. Keep the salad in the fridge until it’s ready to serve, and make sure it contains rocket, so you can point out how you’ve been “cooling your jets”. 

Shrinkflation snacks: Anything you can find that has gotten smaller as the price has stayed the same. A packet of Tim Tams with only nine biscuits inside would be perfect. Slimmed-down chocolate bars, whether Cadbury’s finest (now made overseas) or Snickers bars. Miniature tubes of surprisingly expensive Pringles. Boiled eggs (from a carton of 10, not 12). And let’s not forget the non-human guests: raw dog food has also been a victim of shrinkflation. 

Drinks: Wakachangi, which miraculously has not changed in price at all throughout this entire experience.