Long live Katy Perry, may the corry naysh vibes live forever.
After a full day of wearing many gold clothes, Britain’s new king took the celebrations to the next level. To mark the occasion of his coronation, Charles invited 20,000 peasants to stand in his Windsor Castle back garden and enjoy The Coronation Concert, the highlights of which screened on TVNZ1 last night.
If you thought Saturday’s coronation ceremony needed more singing, then you were in for a treat. The Coronation Concert featured the best of “entertainment royalty” from around the world, including a dazzling array of British stars like Lionel Richie, Andrea Bocelli and… Miss Piggy. Katy Perry wore a dress that gave off emergency blanket vibes, three fifths of Take That showed up but not one of them sang ‘Back for Good’, and we were treated to some old footage of King Charles windsurfing. That’s right, the King on a board! With a sail! Are you not entertained?
Look, some of us have invested a lot into this coronation. I’ve had two late nights hoovering down every royal detail and today, I’m as sore about it as Penny Mordaunt’s triceps. I am Apollo the Horse, about to go rogue and crap all over the Commonwealth. Is it seditious to say that the coronation was a teeny bit long and boring? Will you lock me in the tower if I say the coronation concert wasn’t much better? Maybe you had to be there, or maybe you just had to be the king. Anyway, here’s 10 of the coronation concert’s weirdest and most wonderful moments.
1. The main entertainment of the night was missing
Where the heck was Prince Louis? The cheeky five-year old took a leaf out of Princess Anne’s book and wasn’t anywhere to be found, meaning we missed out on a two hour spectacle of wacky facials and entertaining hand gestures. Truly disappointing, but perhaps the little prince is still on the balcony of Buckingham Palace giving his iconic double wave.
2. The King and Queen were thrilled to be there
The corry naysh vibes were on, and the king and queen were here to party. It took them a few songs to warm up, but eventually Chaz and Cam were on their feet, chucking on their light bracelets and waving the Union Jack around like their lives depended on it. However, they were often outpartied by the other members of the royal family and official dignitaries, which included Fergie, Mike Tindall and… Kermit the Frog?
3. WTF was going on with The Muppets
Somewhere in Britain, someone is sitting back with their feet up and a huge smile on their face for coming up with the best idea ever. “You know what the coronation really needs? Kermit the Frog.”
4. New Zealand was there
Governor-general Dame Cindy Kiro sat in the third row, behind British prime minister Rishi Sunak and Prince William, while the virtual Commonwealth choir included a singer from Aotearoa too.
5. There were plenty of celebrity appearances
A medley of famous people sent in pre-recorded messages, each one revealing a fun royal fact. Did you know King Charles can paint? Did you know King Charles loves music? Did you know King Charles is a member of the magic circle? Hugh Jackman stood before what appeared to be a stairway to heaven, Tom Cruise hooned past in a plane and Dynamo revealed the King auditioned for the magic circle with the classic “cup and balls” trick.
Also, Richard E Grant told us that instead of using a bookmark, the new Queen dog-ears her book pages. Send her to the tower for that crime upon literature, please and thank you.
6. This regal face
FYI, we must never, ever refer to King Charles as “The Artist Formally Known as Prince” again.
7. The line-up featured two thirds of the American Idol judging panel
Sadly the king did not reappear in his coronation gold robe of righteousness, but American singer Katy Perry did sing ‘Roar’ in a gold dress with snazzy sleeves. Lionel Richie also got the crowd grooving with two classic floorfillers, ‘Easy’ and ‘All Night Long’, after he and Perry had filmed this 100% fine, not at all awkward video with the newly crowned couple.
8. Katy Perry’s sleeves were King Charles’ best magic trick of the night
There is simply no other explanation for how they stayed up if they were not attached to her dress,.
9. Crowd goes batshit over rabbit in sky
We were promised a high tech light show, and we got Peter Rabbit hovering over a castle. A thousand drones across the UK flew into the sky and made shapes like a watering can, a butterfly and a big blue whale, as the crowd cheered like the King had just discovered electricity. Maybe he had!
10. Did Camilla bring her knitting?!
Or was she just rifling through the royal goody bag? Either way, I hope she had a lovely time.
The Coronation Concert is available to stream on TVNZ+.