Since 1994, Christmas in the Park has been a place where teenagers can take their place on the naughty list. 

After two years of Covid cancellations, Christmas in the Park will finally be returning to both Auckland and Christchurch this year. Since the mid-90s, the festive institution has welcomed the likes of Benny Tipene, Frankie Stevens, Michael Murphy and many other stars of the James Mustapic multiverse to the stage, and 2022 will see L.A.B. headline along with Vince Harder, Tom Batchelor and, of course, Coca Cola’s Santa Claus. 

Now known for being a family-friendly, alcohol-free affair, Christmas in the Park also has a rich history of attracting gaggles of teenagers looking to take their place on the naughty list. So ahead of the Auckland edition of Christmas in the Park in the Domain tonight, we asked around and crowd-sourced this collection of messy anon Christmas in the Park memories that probably won’t make it to the wholesome news montage:

“A very young Anika Moa was barefoot and halfway through ‘O Holy Night’ when she forgot the words. It was raining. I had carried a backpack of Jack Daniels and Coke premixed cans frontways under a hoodie to look like a pregnant belly.”

“Underage drinking in the train tunnels.” 

“I remember the year they had those hideous male pee things which were like a big Dalek with several holes around the outside. Guys would just walk up and put their dicks in a hole and piss in front of everyone. Multiple guys per Dalek at a time.”

“First time smoking weed – greened out hard.”

“I was a visitor from the Waikato at Christmas in the Park as a teenager when it was the height of sophistication to go to Auckland. On arrival my friends and I swiftly departed the family picnic zone and festive cheer and headed straight for the Three Witches statues by the mirror pond.  We’d heard the urban legend that the statues (who are actually known as the Three Muses) commemorated the deaths of three witches hanged in the Domain, and that the statues moved. We stared at them for a while and nothing happened. Turns out the urban legend is actually that the area is haunted by the women and not that the statues move. That’s what happens when people visit from the Waikato. We returned to our families, ate bacon and egg pie and listened to Frankie Stevens and Jackie Clarke boom the bad spirits away.”

“I got lost and missed the last bus home and spent the night in some random guy’s car.”

“I attended Christmas in the Park as a 14-year-old visiting from overseas. I drank a lot of fizzy drinks, did some cartwheels, and felt dizzy and confused for the rest of the night.”

“I remember being super stoned and trying to cut through the crowd by walking through the 1.5m gap between the portaloos and queues. It felt like that path in the Labyrinth that goes on forever but also absolutely reeked and doors kept flinging into my face but I had to stay the course. I should find a photo of the portaloo row on Carlton Gore side in 1999 and work out how long it really was.”

“Selling grass tinnies (like literal grass, not weed).”

“Someone set themselves on fire up by the museum where everyone hung out.”

“A friend and I took a cask of wine. It was pouring and we just sat under an umbrella and drank the whole thing with some randoms from Western Springs.”

“Went alone in 2007 to meet up with someone from Myspace. I stole about a cup of Kahlua from the liquor cabinet, mixed it with Coca-Cola® and put it in an ASB drink bottle to drink on the bus in. I had mince and cheese hair with novelty plastic barrettes littered through my huge side fringe because I thought I was a “scene kid”. I became instantly separated from my Myspace friend and ended up momentarily falling in love on the dark side of the Domain with a boy who had a KFC bucket on his head.”