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Image: Tina Tiller
Image: Tina Tiller

Pop CultureFebruary 25, 2022

What the breakfasts on MAFS Australia tell us about the couples

Image: Tina Tiller
Image: Tina Tiller

There is one clear predictor of relationship success on Married at First Sight: the participants’ breakfast food choices. Alex Casey explains. 

We all know by now that all the relationship science behind Married at First Sight is made up and true compatibility doesn’t matter. Over the years, the experts have enlisted everything from pheromones, to neurophysiological analysis, to settling on the only thing that works – swipey-swipey on the iPad. For me, an armchair expert in reality television, I prefer to analyse the couples’ breakfast habits while watching the chaos unfurl. 

As our miserable couples on Married at First Sight Australia have moved in with each other and started the next phase of the experiment, they must spend every waking moment together, including the most important meal of the day. But, because the aforementioned relationship science is about as reliable as your cousin’s health advice on Facebook, I decided to apply my own breakfast-based expertise to assess their compatibility. Here are my findings.

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‘Smells funky’

25 year-old Al doesn’t know how to do laundry, doesn’t know how to cook, and has never had a girlfriend in his life. And yet, we were still supposed to be shocked when he added milk to his WeetBix that was four days past its expiry date. Side note: imagine if you told Al that both Aussie kids AND Kiwi kids are WeetBix kids? His head would whirr faster than when Holly tried to teach him about intimacy. Al also admitted to happily drinking milk until it “curdles”. Sam, on the other hand, is an adult woman who is yet to appear consuming anything rotten on camera. 

Compatibility: Rougher chances than a curdled milk shoey from a cowboy boot


Brent’s balcony breakfast

Brent is a man who has lived an exuberant, luxury life in Dubai hospitality, which goes a long way to explaining his decadent breakfast meal of scrambled eggs and tuna, a breakfast so rich in both protein and stench that he was banished to the balcony to eat it by his adoring wife Tamara. Meanwhile, Tamara appears to only ever consume a glass of water in the morning.  

Compatibility: You don’t have to have a background in hospitality to know that nothing goes together better than eggs, tuna and water. Shake and serve over ice. 


Raw emotions, raw cupcakes

On the morning of his daughter’s birthday, Holly attempted to show her support for Andrew, the world’s worst man, by baking (?) him some truly wet, absolutely splatterific chocolate cupcakes for breakfast. The audience had questions as to whether they were in fact just pure frosting, and if she had perhaps laced them with laxatives, which is fitting given they looked like… pure shite. All I want to know is, how did he eat them through his extremely strained crocodile tears? 

Compatibility: To borrow a phrase from motivational speaker Andrew himself, my perception of their reality is that this does not look good. And that’s just what a leader would say. 


She might like Vegemite

Domenica’s appearance on Married at First Sight appears to have been entirely bankrolled by everyone’s favourite breakfast yeast spread, Vegemite. She is covered in the stuff from literal head to toe, including a full pyjama set, a pair of slippers, and even a Vegemite tattoo. Seems like a match made in heaven that Jack is a bit of a “white bread” guy in the bedroom, if you get what I’m saying wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Is it gross that we know this much about these people? I don’t know, you’re the one reading this. 

Compatibility: In the words of Domenica herself, it will truly “shit me” if these two don’t work out. Fingers crossed he’s not a Marmite guy. 


Someone is lying

Borrowing from the book of Domenica, Jackson likes to wear his own piece of breakfast-based paraphernalia in the bedroom. In several morning shots, we see him wearing Coco Pops-themed boxer shorts, including an extremely suggestive shot where they are thrown to the floor in a moment of passion.

Alas, the plot thickens. Jackson appears to love Coco Pops so much that he will emblazon his own ass cheeks in their image, yet the cereal on the bench appears to be extremely not Coco Pops and more an Anthony-style corn-based cereal. Could Jackson be hiding something? Or are Coco Pops just a “sometimes” food? Either way, these two will undoubtedly work it out.

Compatibility: Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy. AKA, these two will simply never, ever, ever stop having sex and I wish them all the best. 


Breakfast world’s apart

He noshes into a honest bowl of cornflakes on the regular, she prefers a dainty slice of avocado toast with evenly slivered segments of hard-boiled egg. One takes 30 seconds to prepare and consume, the other is basically the Dexter opening credits in terms of admin and presentation.

Compatibility: Boohoo princess, the outcome does not look good. 

Married at First Sight Australia airs at 7.30pm Sun-Wed on Three and is available on ThreeNow

Follow The Real Pod on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your favourite podcast provider.

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