Linda the Laser Kiwi was wild, but absolutely nothing could prepare New Zealand for one woman’s pair of bare arms.
Election night was full of surprises, from a computer generated Kiwi giving birth to MPs live on Three, to John Campbell announcing live on TVNZ that Brooke Van Velden was “doing” Simon O’Connor in Tāmaki. But among the many shocking moments that captured the attention of the nation, there was one pair of bare arms that firmly flexed on the rest.
When she emerged from the Luxon residence, biceps bulging under the weight of everyman savouries and Hell’s pizza for a ravenous media scrum, Amanda Luxon was met with a barrage of questions. Had she rolled the pastry herself? Was the tomato sauce Watties? What flavour was the pizza? But all the while, the internet had other, more (bench) pressing questions.
“Forget National’s fiscal plan, we want Amanda Luxon’s exercise regime” wrote the Herald, quickly reporting on an online frenzy. “Amanda Luxon has got BICEPS!!!” wrote one X user. “The only true winner of this year’s election was Amanda Luxon’s biceps,” said another. Then there was the reaction to the reaction from across the political spectrum, summed up by HDizzy:
“I know we are meant to be outraged and I get it but Amanda Luxon does have great arms and I would be interested in knowing what I should be doing to get great arms.”
Perhaps this is no surprise. Arms, especially women’s arms, remain a rarity on our screens. Historians can trace this back to a TVNZ document unearthed from 2016 AD, requesting a “more utilitarian style of dress” from female presenters and that “anything that distracts the viewer from what you are saying is a no-no”. The biggest no-no of all? “No bare arms.”
Since that groundbreaking papyrus was penned, arms have continued to get people up in arms. Famously, Michelle Obama’s toned triceps were analysed, criticised and tutorialised, right up until the poor woman had to publicly uncouple from them last year. Closer to home, TVNZ’s Hilary Barry has always attracted attention with even the smallest hint of daring deltoid.
“It is time Hilary acted and dressed to her age,” outraged viewer Jocelyn barked on Seven Sharp’s social media following the release of this unprecedented off-the-shoulder number in January 2020. “Off the shoulder clothing is for YOUNG WOMEN not old women, it makes her look like a street worker.” Hear ye: if ye ladies enforce your right to bare arms, Jocelyn WILL smite ye.
As for Amanda, the social media attention was so powerful that her arms were high on the agenda in this morning’s AM interview with our newly elected prime minister. After discussing the state of coalition negotiations and treaty principles, it was onto gun control: “Lot of talk on the weekend about Amanda,” Ryan Bridge began coyly. “What did you make of the reaction?”
“It was quite hilarious,” Luxon replied. “She said ‘I think I’ve had my biceps for quite a few years and this is the first time people have noticed them’.” Not that The Spinoff was taking notes or anything, but he also revealed that Amanda’s secret is that she is “really fit” and lives a much more active life than shovelling tonnes of mini pies into the open mouths of political journalists.
“She gets up, does a big run in the morning and then she is sorted for the day – she’s a pretty busy person,” he revealed. The Spinoff also understands that Amanda values “diet and exercise”, was a ballet dancer “for years”, and her first date with our new prime minister was to go to an “aerobics” class together. Not that we were taking notes or anything.