The last thing you wanted to do over the weekend just gone was to be in a sports team facing a New Zealand sports team. Let us count the triumphs.

White Ferns triumph in World Cup

Led by stone-cold legends Sophie Devine, Suzie Bates and player of the tournament Melie Kerr, the White Ferns toppled South Africa overnight to win the T20 World Cup. It had been a tricky couple of years and an even trickier, loss-laden leadup to the World Cup, but the fundamental class of the side burned through in the UAE.

Team NZ triumphs in America’s Cup

A cup called America’s defended in Barcelona by a boat with Emirates on the sail, but forget all that for now: Team NZ has won the Auld Mug three times in a row, sparkling up there on her foils in the Med. A 7-2 win over the Brits, Ineos, and a mighty achievement for Grant Dalton, Peter Burling and the team. 

Black Caps triumph in India

The New Zealand men’s cricket team limped into the first test against India in Bengaluru – a lost series in Sri Lanka, a washout, and Kane Williamson ruled out. And then, all of a sudden – and it really was all of a sudden – the imperious India were obliterated by Matt Henry and Will O’Rourke. Another young star Rachin Ravindra shone with the bat and the third ever test win in India was recorded. Maybe the golden age isn’t over after all? (India were bowled out for 46. Let us be clear, however: India won the toss and chose to bat.)

Silver Ferns triumph over Australia

Just when you thought world champions Australia had opened up some air in quality over New Zealand, the Silver Ferns open the Constellation Cup with a formidable 64-50 win over the old Diamonds enemy in Wellington. Grace Nweke casually slotted 50 of 53 shots at goal. 

Auckland FC triumph against Brisbane

A coruscating, bright blue day at Go Media Stadium as Auckland FC celebrated their debut in the A-League with a 2-0 win over Brisbane Roar. That understates the importance of the occasion: on Saturday a new force in Auckland and New Zealand sport announced itself: a sellout crowd, singing fans and some genuinely good football. (The Wellington Phoenix drew with Western United despite being the better team, chivalrously choosing not to upstage everyone else.)

Breakers triumph over Wildcats

With fatigue still in their legs after an ill-timed trip to the US, the Breakers found the energy to see off one of their most intense rivals, the Perth WIldcats, in Auckland on Saturday night. Newcomer Matt Mooney led the way with 28 points in an 89-15 victory.

Paddle Ferns triumph in World Championships 

The New Zealand women’s canoe polo side thrashed the plucky Italians 6-1 to win the World Championships in Huzhou, China, to be crowned best in the world for the first time since 2016.

Sorry, rugby codes. The NPC semi-finals were entertaining and – ah – New Zealand teams won both?