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SportsAugust 5, 2016

Rio 2016: The official* opening ceremony drinking game


The Rio Olympics are about to officially get underway and what better way to celebrate than with a drinking game during the opening ceremony.

The opening ceremony for the Rio Olympics begins on Saturday at 10:50am. It’s going to be a long affair, probably even longer than Batman vs Superman, and no doubt far more entertaining. With the Super Rugby final on Saturday night, there’s nothing like a bit of day drinking to remind us all why we’re not professional athletes. And so, The Spinoff Olympic Committee presents:

The official* drinking game of the Rio 2016 opening ceremony for anyone who who has never been the best in the world at anything.


Take one sip:

  • Whenever someone says ‘New Zealand’
  • Whenever someone says ‘zika’ or ‘doping’
  • Any time you see a selfie being taken

Take two sips:

  • Any time there is an ad for Olympic coverage
  • Any time you think you’ve spotted an official and then realise it’s our team uniform
  • Any time they announce a country that you’ve never heard of


Take a shot:

  • If a child sings beautifully
  • If a world celebrity performs
  • If Shakira debuts a new song written specifically for the games
  • Once the fireworks start

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Take three shots:

  • If a child sings badly (RIP)
  • If Gisele Bundchen gets mugged in a re-enactment
  • If you’re a New Zealand print journalist who was meant to be there until that Sky thing happened
  • If you see a female coach
  • If the fireworks last longer than three minutes

Consume your beverage:

  • When the torch enters the stadium
  • When the New Zealand team enters the stadium
  • If there’s awkward chat about the disastrous Chiefs situation during a lull
  • When it’s finished and you can start preparing for the Hurricanes’ inevitable victory

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End note: If you ever find yourself entertaining any thought that resembles “You know, if I actually wanted to and trained full time, I could go to the O-” DRINK EVERYTHING.

Keep going!