SportsAugust 5, 2016

Rio 2016: The official* opening ceremony drinking game


The Rio Olympics are about to officially get underway and what better way to celebrate than with a drinking game during the opening ceremony.

The opening ceremony for the Rio Olympics begins on Saturday at 10:50am. It’s going to be a long affair, probably even longer than Batman vs Superman, and no doubt far more entertaining. With the Super Rugby final on Saturday night, there’s nothing like a bit of day drinking to remind us all why we’re not professional athletes. And so, The Spinoff Olympic Committee presents:

The official* drinking game of the Rio 2016 opening ceremony for anyone who who has never been the best in the world at anything.


Take one sip:

  • Whenever someone says ‘New Zealand’
  • Whenever someone says ‘zika’ or ‘doping’
  • Any time you see a selfie being taken

Take two sips:

  • Any time there is an ad for Olympic coverage
  • Any time you think you’ve spotted an official and then realise it’s our team uniform
  • Any time they announce a country that you’ve never heard of


Take a shot:

  • If a child sings beautifully
  • If a world celebrity performs
  • If Shakira debuts a new song written specifically for the games
  • Once the fireworks start

Screen Shot 2016-08-05 at 3.45.29 PM

Take three shots:

  • If a child sings badly (RIP)
  • If Gisele Bundchen gets mugged in a re-enactment
  • If you’re a New Zealand print journalist who was meant to be there until that Sky thing happened
  • If you see a female coach
  • If the fireworks last longer than three minutes

Consume your beverage:

  • When the torch enters the stadium
  • When the New Zealand team enters the stadium
  • If there’s awkward chat about the disastrous Chiefs situation during a lull
  • When it’s finished and you can start preparing for the Hurricanes’ inevitable victory

Screen Shot 2016-08-05 at 3.26.56 PM

End note: If you ever find yourself entertaining any thought that resembles “You know, if I actually wanted to and trained full time, I could go to the O-” DRINK EVERYTHING.

This story was made possible thanks to the generous support of our members. If you value what we do and believe in the importance of independent and freely accessible journalism – tautoko mai, donate today.

Mad Chapman, Editor
Aotearoa continues to adapt to a new reality and The Spinoff is right there, sorting fact from fiction to bring you the latest updates and biggest stories. Help us continue this coverage, and so much more, by supporting The Spinoff Members.Madeleine Chapman, EditorJoin Members

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