Tara Ward counts down the top ten moments from ‘Of Lost Things’, the fourth episode of Outlander season three. Contains major spoilers, obviously.
Spare a thought for Jamie Fraser, the man who cannot escape his own animal magnetism. This season, no matter where he travels or how bad his hair is, Jamie’s golden charms have proved irresistible to all and sundry: first Mary McNab, then Lord John Grey and now Geneva Dunsany, virginal aristocrat and lover of muddy puddles.
The struggle is real, for who doesn’t want to drink from Jamie’s ginger fountain, take a bite out of the Fraser peach, or climb aboard the Mackenzie Express and ride it all the way to paradise?
Get to the back of the queue, love, some of us have been waiting since 1743.
‘Of Lost Things’ took us to Helwater, the Dunsany family estate where Jamie was paroled as a groom. Life in England was never dull for J-Fray: Geneva blackmailed him for some Scottish sexy time, Jamie threw her into the mud, she died after giving birth to his bastard son. It was tit for tat and the legend of Red Jamie as a kind and generous lover flowed through the land like the blood from an old geezer shot in the head by a Jacobite prisoner.
Claire, meanwhile, returned to Scotland with Brianna to begin the Jamie Fraser reunion tour. Was Jamie still alive? Were turtlenecks compulsory in the 1960s? Where has Fiona been all my life? We both had many questions.
Alas, Claire failed to find even a skerrick of ginger evidence that Jamie was still alive and with nothing else to do, returned to Boston. Wait — she did talk on the phone in one scene, which was 100% great content. Did we mention Claire is a successful surgeon in a world dominated by men? That she’s an independent, kickarse woman who was nearly burned at the stake and once stole an orange from a French King?
Where has fierce Claire gone?
Until she returns, this dull Claire will wait by the fire, clutching her pearls and reading 50 Shades of Beige. I’m as cross as Wee Willie when he kicked the water bucket. Willie was a right little shit, btw.
In other news, it seems Frank bequeathed his collection of turtleneck jumpers to Roger. Nice work Frank, Roger will remember you even if nobody else on Outander does.
Come, let’s squeeze our giant heads through our tartan turtlenecks and relive the top ten moments of ‘Of Lost Things’.
1) Claire swears in a library
Shit just got real.
2) Jamie drops Geneva in a puddle
3) Lord John borrows Ian Murray’s wig
Jenny will be pissed.
4) Roger and Bree kiss
“That was unexpected,” said Roger. Child, please. Mary McNab was standing in a pitch black man-cave weaving a wig of ginger curls and she still saw that kiss coming.
5) Geneva blackmails Jamie as he shovels more shit onto the steaming manure pile of his life
Another day, another hairy situation.
6) Jamie’s face when he realises Geneva is pregnant with his child
7) Claire discovers she has already unearthed the greatest Highland treasure
Queen of Scones, thy name is Fiona.
8) Willie is only five minutes old yet has all the Fraser charm
9) Claire quietly breaks down the patriarchy one pub at a time
Who said women can’t drink at the bar? Lay down your laser beam stares, Men of Scotland, for Claire Fraser is made of stone/goes through the stones/doesn’t give a shit.
10) Lord John promises to raise Jamie’s son as his own
I’m sorry about what I said about your wig Lord John I think I really love you.
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