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Pop CultureJune 27, 2017

Survivor NZ Power Rankings, Week Eight – Have we already got our winner?

Screen Shot 2017-06-27 at 9.44.02 PM

Superfan Joseph Harper tackles the eighth week of Survivor NZ, including the regeneration of the viral cop and Barb’s Soprano-style reign. Click here for last week.

God we are getting damn close to the end and thank the lord because Survivor NZ is getting really weird. Our ‘good’ players keep deciding to play as ‘bad’ players. My favourites keep getting booted back to Geraldine. Our long-haired tribespeople are somehow not winning the world famous ‘get the mud’ challenge in spite of their world-famous ‘long hair advantage in the mud thing’. It’s all gone bananas.

The central figure here is still Barb. I don’t get it. What do the players think of Barb? What does Barb think of Barb? Barb’s edit and seemingly her gameplay have her locked in as a Tony Soprano of the highest order. But she don’t get no respect and so subsequently, she don’t get no self-respect. It’s painful!

I was actually pretty bored by this week but there were quite a few funny tidbits.

Tom and Nate had the quietest conversation ever. I think the crew forgot that microphones were a thing and recorded via transcribed crab rememberings. Did they get new togs? Am I just tired? At least one of those things happened for sure.

The reward was funny to me. The horse thing. The beer. The “Keep Calm Carry On” accoutrements.

The big storyline is probably Nate’s revolting taste in sandwiches: peanut butter and tomato. Wow. Just wow. Somehow watery and gluggy. Arrest this crooked cop because he’s committing a sandwich crime. Yuck.

Well, here are the players.

#1 AVI

The $100,000 question is this: will New Zealand’s most innocent man win this game and buy 20,000 new feelings journals from Typo?

The man’s skin is “like satin”, which is maybe how Avi made betraying his day one pal seem like… nice. If you are on this Nicaraguan peninsula and you are not doing everything in your power to get this guy the hell out of the finale.. you need to wake up sheeple.

#2 TOM

I like to imagine Tom’s students seeing him covered in mud from ass to ankle and slamming a copyright infringing beer with his best mate in a weird villa. I like to imagine them thinking, ‘Hell yeah. That’s Mr. Tom. Right on. He hasn’t really done that much in the game, but he’s maybe going to win. That rules. Maybe I just won’t do this NCEA level one exam. Maybe I’ll still win the game (of life) anyway. Hell yeah. Mr. Tom is the man.’

Seriously though, I bet it’s insanely cool to see your teacher on Survivor and I bet Tom is a badass teacher. And not just because he looks like the Dustin Hoffman teacher that Lisa Simpson falls in love with. Though this scene has definitely happened:

#3 BARB

Nothing brings down my powerful love of Barb like her repeatedly saying ‘I don’t want to win the game or even be in the finale’. WHAT THE FRICK ARE YOU DOING BARB?!

You were on form and playing better than anyone else on this goddamn peninsula. You awoke from your century long slumber to rain down unrelenting pain on this gaggle of millennial scum. I loved you so much Barb.

And now this.

You don’t want to win? You don’t want to be in the final? I’m flipping out. I’m ready to burn all the non-legal tender coins I broiled in my attic featuring Barb as the true and rightful matriarch of New Zealand. This feels worse than when you put teabags on your eyes but they’re still hot and also you forget to shut your eyes first so you get tea all in your eyes.

Yeah. I mean she could well be bamboozling these lil boys, but why isn’t she revealing her evil plans in confessional? I don’t know what the hell is happening.

The only pleasing thing we got from Barb was when she said, “I do love horses. They are a great passion.” Alright Father Ted, calm down.

#4 NATE

Barb pulled her weird frisbee flop, but not before putting the kaibosh on Nate’s moves. So why am I vibin’ for the viral cop this week?

He started the game pretty hot and was edited into a hard-working underdog who gathered Survivor revenue where necessary. Barb’s emergence sent Nate zero dark thirty, but now the man is resurgent. He’s having teary moments. He’s plotting. These kiwis thought they’d eradicated with viral sensation, but it turns out they are anti-vaxxers and this viral cop is going to show how viral he really is. By killing them all (going to the final)!

#5 MIKE (Redemption Island)

Honestly, I’m bored as hell of Mike as the master of circus games at this point. Ffs just let him back in.

On the plus side though, check out Mike’s spoon!

#6 SHAY (Redemption Island)

The sun is finally coming up and, ironically, that’s a bad thing for the shade-lord. I think. Either way, Shay is pretty wrecked here. I almost wish Shay could have gone out in a blaze of glory earlier. Seeing my absolute heart of hearts turn into a bit-part then a featured extra and finally a Shortland Street Santa man has been long and tiring. Poor Shay. So much potential. 

#7 JAK (Redemption Island)

Jak is still in the game.

#8 SHANNON (Eliminated)

If you messaged Shannon calling her bad or whatever or commented on the Survivor FB being like “Shannon is evil cos she backstab the pretty mannies”, then guess what: boo. You suck. Shannon was cool and it was lame that her game got boogered by whiny divas who learned the hard way that ‘an alliance is not a contract (but it’s very nice)’.

Thanks Shannon for stirring the drink. Pleased to hear you have a job at the Auckland Zoo and I hope you’ll be voting people out of Meerkat Manor for the rest of your days.


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Spotify playlists

PartnersJune 27, 2017

Five of the best artist playlists on Spotify

Spotify playlists

Every artist is making Spotify playlists these days. Amanda Robinson listens to four of the most popular – and one that isn’t, but really deserves to be.

Lorde

In the ‘Homemade Dynamite’ episode of The Spinoff’s Behind The Melodrama podcast, Lorde talks about how “sometimes it’s just about having your arms around your friend’s shoulders and being drunk and being into the same song.” It’s fitting, then, that her playlist, titled Homemade Dynamite, suits that mood exactly.

Followers: 41523

Best pick: ‘Any Party’ by Feist. “You know I’d leave any party for you.” Like, !!!! I will never get over that lyric.

Worst pick: Nothing’s too terrible, but I tend to skip Kevin Garrett’s ‘Precious’.

Throwback: ‘Graceland’ by Paul Simon. Also, my forever karaoke song, Nancy Sinatra’s ‘Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)’.

Song I Discovered: ‘Young Dumb & Broke’ by Khalid who is supporting Lorde on the UK/Europe leg of her Melodrama tour.

Self-promo rating: 4 stars: When I began writing this she only had one of her own songs on this playlist vs. 30 of other people’s songs, but now the whole of Melodrama is there, which is bloody brilliant, but if you want to listen to Melodrama, you can just listen to Melodrama.

Carly Rae Jepsen

Carly Rae’s playlist is called Carly’s Jams, and the thumbnail image is a picture of raspberry jam, because of course. It’s stacked with her own music, but balanced out with classics from Blondie to Donna Summer and chill tracks from Future Islands to The Internet.

Followers: 2343

Best pick: ‘Better Than Me’ by Blood Orange.

Worst pick: There’s nothing exceptionally bad on this playlist, but ‘Super Natural’ by Danny L Harle featuring Carly Rae Jepsen does sound a little like it would be at home on the in-store playlist of your local Supre.

Throwback: ‘I Feel Love’ by Donna Summer, what a tune.

Song I Discovered: ‘Show Me Love’ by Laura Mvula.

Self-promo rating: 4 stars: At six out of 19, almost a third of the playlist is her own songs.

Frank Ocean

Listening to Frank Ocean’s playlist, Blonded, every track makes perfect sense. It’s not necessarily that you can hear all of them in his music, but it’s as if, somehow, each song was inevitably going to be there.

Followers: 89891

Best pick: ‘White Ferrari’ by Frank Ocean. I know it’s his own song but with every listen it’s still so perfect.

Worst pick: Miley Cyrus’ ‘Rooting For My Baby’.

Throwback: Two iconic throwbacks one after the other, 2Pac’s ‘Dear Mama’ and Outkast’s ‘Ms. Jackson’.

Song I Discovered: ‘Hannibal’ by Caribou.

Self-promo rating: 2 stars. Two out of 25 songs

Sia

Sia’s playlist is called Team Sia’s Ear Candy, which means it’s probably run by one of Sia’s people as opposed to the artist herself. It’s a great playlist nonetheless, full of bright glitzy pop and the occasional slower track.

Followers: 75621

Best pick: ‘(No One Knows Me) Like The Piano’ by Sampha.

Worst pick: ‘Patient’ by Party Pupils. Think somewhere between The Jonas Brothers and Bruno Mars but produced by Max Key.

Throwback: This playlist has approximately zero throwbacks. @ Sia’s people, this is a terrible decision.

Song I Discovered: ‘Crying in the Club’ by Camilla Cabello of ex-Fifth Harmony fame.

Self-promo rating: 1 star: Two of her own songs vs. 41 of everyone else’s.

Chelsea Jade

Chelsea Jade’s playlist, SPECTRUM, is the one artist playlist I return to most often. With a runtime of nearly four hours, there is always a new track to play on repeat. It’s mostly a lot of brilliant women with excellent voices and songs you can dance around your room to, which happens to be my exact taste in music.

Followers: 101

Best pick: ‘Woman Is A Word’ by Empress Of.

Worst pick: I spent so long trying to find one and I can’t. This might be the perfect playlist.

Throwback: This playlist has all the best throwbacks: Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Lauryn Hill, Dolly Parton, Kate Bush, and ‘Sexy Boy’ by Air—shout out to this scene from 10 Things I Hate About You.

Song I Discovered: ‘Hello Lakisha’ by Kilo Kish.

Self-promo rating: 1 star: One song of her own out of 73 total.


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