José Barbosa wraps on a tinfoil hat and dissects the hidden meaning in the trailer for the new X Files reboot.
Earlier this year the television world was rocked by the announcement that 2016 would bring a brand new X-Files series. Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny, we were told, would reprise their roles as FBI agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder chasing down the supernatural and weird.
Overnight a new trailer for the series was launched on the internet and X-Files fever was inflamed once again. Here at Spinoff Towers I’ve poured over the new trailer, using a variety of different optical tests to bring this analysis and reveal secrets of the forth-coming series.
The trailer begins with Scully receiving a call from none other than her old FBI pal/sexual tension generator, Fox Mulder. Call it a hunch, but they’ve clearly kept in touch.
Potentially the most disturbing detail in the whole trailer: Scully hasn’t answered the call lending weight to all the gibbering on r/mulderisdurden. I’m sorry I spent a whole weekend down voting every reply in the subreddit. You guys were onto something.
So, is Mulder a figment of Scully’s tortured science-soul? First detail in this screenshot to contemplate: like Drop Dead Fred, he can’t use doors (did you actually see Rik Mayall use a door in that film? No. Do you want to watch the film again to check? No). He has to use his imagination phone (Lollipop 5.1.1) to get Scully’s attention. Second detail: the letters on the window of the door. They’re hard to decipher, but after spending a few hours reversing them using the bathroom mirror they definitely read: INTRICAL CROMULENT.
Who is this blurry person in the scene with Agent Scully? Using a sophisticated algorithm I bought on the dark web, we can enhance the picture and reveal it’s none other than 90s UK chart topper and Give A Pet a Home star, Peter Andre. We’re excited to find out what role the Strictly Come Dancing UK contestant will have on the new series.
Mulder and former FBI Deputy Director Walter Skinner confront each other in what appears a disused office space. However, looks can be deceiving. Check out the instrument indicated by the slightly larger red arrow. See it? Our barrista Declan swears it’s a trouser fly buffing machine and a type usually seen in American metropolitan centres. We’re willing to bet Mulder is investigating a conspiracy not unlike the Volkswagon plot, but instead involving the world of haberdashery.
In this scene Scully is checking out her mucky back window. A seemingly innocuous and, frankly, boring shot. Or is it? Something bothered me about this scene, so I took to MS Paint and, on a hunch, adjusted the gamma settings. What was revealed shocked me to my core.
In the window we can now clearly see three faces. Cthulhu, cosmic entity and bringer of doom to all men; Ruth Richardson, architect of the Mother of all Budgets; and the guy from the Coloursteel Roofshout ads. Chilling.
The final image of the trailer hints at something so obvious that we hesitated to even mention it. However, the character it suggests is returning is very exciting for all X-Files fans. There is, of course, only one character it could be.
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The cigarette gave it away. It’s clearly Darryl Weaver from Brand X, the seventeenth episode of the seventh season. Fans always wondered what happened to him after he survived smoking genetically engineered cigarettes and carted away in police custody. Now we’ll finally get an answer.
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