spinofflive
A selection of Wellington’s most delicious cocktails. Photos: Preyanaka Gothanayagi
A selection of Wellington’s most delicious cocktails. Photos: Preyanaka Gothanayagi

WellingtonFebruary 9, 2024

The best and worst of Wellington’s cocktail bars

A selection of Wellington’s most delicious cocktails. Photos: Preyanaka Gothanayagi
A selection of Wellington’s most delicious cocktails. Photos: Preyanaka Gothanayagi

A journey through the capital’s weird and wonderful speakeasies and liquor lounges.

On a walk through Wellington’s entertainment district, you’ll find laneways and side-streets crammed with breweries, clubs, restaurants, an opera house or two. If you’re lucky, you’ll stumble on a hidden gem. Emphasis on the hidden. Wellington is home to a surprising number of cocktail bars, and some of them are easy to find. But many lurk in the shadows, out of sight to all but the most in-the-know locals.

In an effort to broaden my horizons, I gathered a group of people far cooler than me, and set out on a mission to try Wellington’s most interesting mixed drinks. Here they are, in no particular order:

Cuckoo Emporium

Hey Arnold, by Cuckoo Emporium.

Cuckoo Emporium is a cosy little place, hidden among the central city’s waterfront venues. It’s more comfortable than conspicuous, with soft velvet couches, warm-toned walls, and glossy wooden bar. We decided to sit in the outdoor section as the sun went down, to make the most of the summer evening.

As we made ourselves comfortable beneath not one but two hanging NZ flags, the sole bartender came over to take our order. He seemed quite flustered when we left our choice of drink to him, but soon returned with a Hey Arnold – basically an alcoholic peach iced tea. 

Maybe it was the dying sunshine turning everything into gold. But I suddenly felt like this was the perfect drink to kick off a perfect night. I could see myself returning with a group of friends after a swim, getting tipsy on more than a few of these. It was simple, sweet, refreshing. Dangerously drinkable. 

No idea why it’s named after a cartoon character who doesn’t wear a kilt, but some things should remain a mystery.

Best place to enjoy some summer evening vibes.

Worst place to vote in an unbiased flag referendum.

CGR Merchant & Co.

Terry’s Old Fashioned, by CGR Merchant & Co

After finally locating their door that seems to disappear and reappear when you least expect it, we climbed the stairs leading to the barn-esque lounge that is CGR Merchant & Co.

CGRs manages to pull off a 1700s sea-faring theme without being overly kitschy. Different map projections serve as the main decorative flair, and dim, warm lighting provides the ambience. The real highlight is the sandbags lining the rafters. Sitting in the solitary booth available felt a bit like being smuggled.

Our waiter tried his best to get us to order a tasting paddle of gin and rum, but we opted for a Terry’s Old Fashioned as our cocktail of choice. I’m a sucker for chocolate oranges.

When they came, our drinks smelled of citrus, but the first sip tasted like straight chocolate. CGRs is famed for their gin and rum infusions, and it really came through in this cocktail. Simple, but effective flavours, with the right amount of alcohol to go down easy. It was like-for-like with the real Terry’s (or a jaffa) – bang on perfect.

We paired it with a bucket of cheerios off their menu. Somehow, it all just worked.

Best place to host a cosy, nautical-themed wedding.

Worst place to meet friends, because no one can find the front door.

Night Flower

French 75, by Night Flower.

Night Flower is a modern living space decorated by a homely vampire. The walls are dark, hung with classic gloomy Victorian portraits. A mishmash of chandeliers provides just enough light to be mistaken for candles and mirrors. The bookshelves are decorated with bookshelves from my uni English papers. All in all, they are committed.   

Our server wore breeches, and told us we had a choice of five punches, and 350 cocktails. Night Flower’s thing, he told us, is to create custom versions of classic 1950s-esque cocktails, based on our mood. He suggested their French 75; A gin base, with lime, elderflower, dry prosecco. Light, fruity, slightly at odds with the dark decor. It came topped with bright purple flowers.

It definitely gave summer night vibes. The different layers mixed together for a drink that was refreshing, kind of sour, but very drinkable. You could see the original inspiration, and how it had been twisted – a little bit quirky, just like the venue itself. 

Normally, the table we were at would have been dark by this time of night. But we had the setting sun coming through the window, mixing with the low strain of a jazz trumpet. It felt like a scecene from A Streetcar Named Desire, without all the patriarchy. 

Best place to reenact Jane Eyre.

Worst place to try improv comedy.

Hanging Ditch

Pain Aux Ryan, by Hanging Ditch.

Hanging Ditch is like if a wealthy expat left a basement for his student son to use as a rumpus room. The result: an eclectic mix of old-money decor and high school art-project.

A forest of bungee cords suspend liquor bottles above the bar. Several bookshelves sit against the walls, next to vintage posters and a dehumidifier hose sticking out the window. We also spotted a viking helmet, a pirate sign, and a couple on what looked like a first date. He was wearing expensive shoes, she looked bored. 

The cocktail menu didn’t say what’s actually in each cocktail. Instead, we were given three words that describe what they’re like. Our charismatic server talked us through it all in a bit more detail, and we settled on a Pain Aux Ryan. She described it as “like a hot cross bun”, but it was more festive than that. It was like a baileys and an eggnog got a little too merry underneath the mistletoe. It smelled of cinnamon goodness, and got better the more I drank. Darker, richer. Basically joy in a cup.

Literally the only bad thing any of us had to say about this place was that the chairs were a bit meh.

Best place to write your Master’s thesis.

Worst place to try ditch a bad date.

The Library

Smaug and Mirror-Mars, by The Library.

The Library is filled with wall-to-wall bookshelves, stacked with hundreds of books no one else seems to want. Their feature wall is a gradient of books sorted by colour; quantifiably the worst possible system. There’s something really calming about being surrounded by books, and that was true of The Library, despite the duelling live music and songs on speakers. For some reason, there was a giant clam shell tucked away next to us.

A server wearing a great shade of purple lipstick recommended we try something off their featured menu, which celebrates iconic Wellington landmarks. We opted for “Smaug and Mirror-Mars”, because dragons are always the correct choice. The drink absolutely lived up to its name. First, a cloud of spicy smoke was released in an accompanying jar. The highly-alcoholic first sips are like french-kissing a salamander. The flavours changed and mellowed the more I drank, until what was left was a perfectly sweet syrup at the bottom or the glass. It wasn’t just a cocktail, it was a whole experience. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have tried to eat the dragonfruit garnish. It was really more theme than flavour.

Best place to see drink-based theatrics.

Worst place to shelter during an earthquake.

Kuikui Lane

Hokeytini, by Kuikui Lane.

Hidden behind an unfortunate amount of scaffolding is a fairly new wee cocktail bar, Kuikui Lane. Named for and inspired by the owners’ kuia, it’s light and sunny and very, very modern. The first thing I noticed was the colour scheme: greens, browns, golds, stone. Earthy, nature-inspired. The feature wall had a simple painted whare motif, and an art piece printed on woven harekeke. Afrobeats in the background completed the vibe. I took the opportunity to go to the loo. It was lush, like peeing in a bougie tropical rainforest.

The kind and attentive bartender recommended that we try their hokeytini, a martini with hokey-pokey-infused vodka. It didn’t disappoint. Although it was sweet, there was a complexity to it that hinted at flavours it didn’t actually contain. Ginger? Lemon? Whatever was going on, it was elegant. For a cocktail bar, Kuikui Lane has a real family feel to it. Despite all the class, it was homely and welcoming. 

Best place to relax and be comfortable.

Worst place to be messy drunk in the bathroom.

Crumpet

Figgy Pudding, by Crumpet.

Nestled between the Opera House and the Wellington Homeless Women’s Trust is Crumpet, a real local institution. What it lacks in size it makes up for in character. The front half feels like a Parisian cafe, with black-and-white-chequered tiles and glass doors open to the breeze, while the back end is more classy dive bar. The entirety of one wall is covered with black and white photos and prints. We were all immediately drawn to a small picture of three naked men with their backs turned. 

Even though it was well into the new year, Crumpet was still serving their festive menu. Everyone seemed more than up for some holiday cheer, so we ordered a Figgy Pudding. What we got was something that smelled like straight Christmas. Like a mince pie, or a brandy-soaked fruitcake, or, presumably, a figgy pudding, only I’ve never had one. It was beautifully presented, with a wee apple garnish that was especially tasty when dunked. Highly alcoholic, it’s definitely a cocktail to sip and savour.

Special shoutout to the mocktail menu, which was designed alongside their cocktails, rather than as an afterthought. As a former teetotaller, the effort was much appreciated.

Best place to live out your stereotypical French daydreams.

Worst place to take an elderly Catholic relative.

Hawthorn Lounge

Tory Street, by Hawthorn Lounge.

Hawthorn Lounge a prohibition themed speakeasy that is so well hidden we wouldn’t have found it if my cousin hadn’t already been before. We walked through a big green door, up a windy staircase, and into a deep red lounge – they’re very big on the big, bold colours. We sat down at a table next to an old piano none of us had the courage to touch. There was definitely a more serious feel to this place, like we’d just walked into the living room of a 1930s railway tycoon. The effect was only slightly punctured by the view out the window to a multi-storey carpark.

As we began to relax and enjoy the jazz standards playing in the background, a bartender approached our table. Like Night Flower, Hawthorn Lounge is all about individual taste, and he was aghast when we asked for a single recommendation for the whole group. Eventually, he landed on Tory Street – a cocktail that’s been on the menu for 17 years. It contains vodka, garam masala, honey, and egg white, amongst other things. When it arrives, the fluffy top layer is bisected by a single red line.

Tory Street is all about the complementary flavours and textures. The egg whites contrast the cool liquid, and vanilla really does go with garam masala – who knew? There was something comforting about it, although that might just be the Indian in me. 

Best place to read the Great Gatsby.

Worst place to find an instagrammable view.

Lulu

Pina Colada, by Lulu.

By our last stop, I was several drinks down, and in a really good mood. Luckily, Lulu seemed like the perfect place to literally let my hair down. Their bathrooms were bright pink and the mirrors were massive. Behind the Hawaiian-shirted bartender singing 2000s pop was a neon sign that read, “You had me at Aloha”. It told me all I needed to know; this place is fun, in a highly instagrammable, slightly cultural-appropriation-y kind of way.

I asked for something that sums up the Lulu lifestyle, and the bartender told me to go for their piña colada. It takes two to three days to make, he explained, through a highly involved process he eagerly talked me through. Unfortunately, I got lost after step one (grilling the pineapples). Still, you don’t need to know what’s gone into it to enjoy this drink. I’m a basic bitch at heart, and Lulu’s piña colada is basic done well. Sweet, creamy, coconutty goodness, in a novelty pineapple glass. There weren’t even any ice blockages in my straw, which is nothing short of magic.

By the time we leave, the live band was starting up. We made our exit past a giant mural of pasifika wahine and another witty neon sign. “Tropical state of mind” indeed.

Best place to take a cute profile pic.

Worst place to consider the far-reaching effects of neocolonialism.

Keep going!
Unlikely friends: Greg O’Connor, Cameron Luxton, Tamatha Paul and Chris Bishop (Image: Tina Tiller)
Unlikely friends: Greg O’Connor, Cameron Luxton, Tamatha Paul and Chris Bishop (Image: Tina Tiller)

PoliticsFebruary 9, 2024

A rare moment of unity: MPs trash Wellington’s housing panel report

Unlikely friends: Greg O’Connor, Cameron Luxton, Tamatha Paul and Chris Bishop (Image: Tina Tiller)
Unlikely friends: Greg O’Connor, Cameron Luxton, Tamatha Paul and Chris Bishop (Image: Tina Tiller)

From the Greens to Act, MPs from across parliament are criticising the independent hearings panel’s restrictive recommendations for Wellington’s new District Plan.

Politicians from across the political spectrum have united to criticise Wellington’s independent panel reports on housing.

The first two reports from the independent hearings panel took a heavily restrictive view towards new housing; expanding character areas, reducing walking catchments and high density areas, and ruling that the Johnsonville train did not count as “mass rapid transit”. 

Experts have criticised the panel as economically illiterate for its claims higher density would not improve housing supply or affordability.

Greg O’Connor, the Labour MP for Ōhāriu, said some of the panel’s decisions “fly in the face of basic economics” and would fail “any third form economics class”.

“Echoing in my ears are the words of John Key in 2013 about Wellington being a dying city,” he said. “When I look at this report, I get concerned there isn’t much in there about ensuring the population growth we need to ensure Wellington survives.

“I’m not sure if any of the panellists have children, like I do, who are flatting in Wellington, but they would understand just how difficult the flatting situation is.” 

O’Connor said he was particularly concerned that expanded character areas would stifle development in the centre city and push growth into the outer northern suburbs.

three houses with sky behind them. they are pretty victorian terraces but looking at them you feel almost certain that they are cold, expensive, and damp. it's just a vibe
Photo: Getty Images

Cameron Luxton, Act’s infrastructure spokesperson, said the panel “seemed to not even identify the basic economics 101 stuff that is causing a shortage of housing in Wellington”.

He said Act generally didn’t want to tell councils how to zone, but that “something needs to happen in Wellington”.

Green MP for Wellington Central Tamatha Paul, a former city councillor who holds a masters degree in planning, was particularly critical. 

“They’re not recommendations that I think appropriately respond to the scale of the housing crisis in Wellington,” she said. “The crisis demands us to build as much housing as we possibly can. That’s the only outcome I would find acceptable, and that’s not what this report is recommending.”

Wellington city councillors will be able change any of the panel’s recommendations via an amendment vote at a meeting on March 14, but Paul said that didn’t go far enough – she wants the council to reject the entire report and send it to the minister to be rewritten. “I don’t know that a piecemeal approach will get us the outcomes that we need,” she said. “We are monumentally failing right now, and the result will be homeless and poverty on a scale we have never seen before.”

National’s Chris Bishop said he was reading the panel’s reports. “Wellington has a housing crisis and restrictive zoning rules are a big part of the problem.”

“I will be making further announcements on this soon,” he said. The Spinoff understands Bishop is positioning himself to be involved in the sign-off process, which would typically go to environment minister Penny Simmonds. 

Stu Donovan, a housing economist for Motu, said the panel had “misread the room” on housing reform. “I genuinely don’t think they appreciate just how much their social licence to operate has changed in the last decade,” he said. “The planning profession in New Zealand has become extraordinarily politically and socially isolated.”

“My view is that the independent hearings panel is made up of commissioners who are stuck in the old mindset that we must only enable urban development where we can be absolutely certain that it doesn’t have negative effects. That’s the old framing, that development is a bad thing that must be managed. The NPS-UD replaced that framing with a positive approach to urban development that you must enable as much housing as you can unless you have very, very clear evidence of the negative effects.”

However, just because there is a consensus emerging in parliament doesn’t mean the same is true around the council table. There is a narrow split between pro and anti-density factions, and the vote could be decided by the winner of the Lambton ward by-election, voting for which closes on February 17. 

Wellington city councillors will get their first chance to question members of the panel about their decision at a briefing on Wednesday February 15. We got a little taste of what to expect at another briefing this week – no panel members were present, but council staff explained some of the panel’s decisions. A group of progressive councillors laughed when staff described the panel’s conclusion that census data didn’t prove how many people walked to work from each suburb, because it didn’t ask how people got home. 

Councillor Ben McNulty couldn’t resist an early dig at the panel’s ruling that enabling more housing wouldn’t lead to more housing, asking: “Is it the view of the panel that if there was a shortage of bread rolls at KFC Johnsonville, supplying more rolls at KFC would not have any impact on the shortage of bread rolls?”

Sean Audain, the council’s strategic planning manager, answered diplomatically: “Our job is to impartially put before you the advice of the panel, absent of the views of officers. Given the panel didn’t actively discuss KFC, we cannot possibly consider it.”

The independent hearings panel released its third report on Wednesday evening, focused on the centre city. It was less dramatic than the first two – the most significant recommendation was to replace the 42m central city height limit with a “height threshold”, which developers could go over if they met certain criteria, a potential win for housing supply. 

How to follow along

If you want to stay on top of everything that happens throughout this process, subscribe to The Spinoff’s War for Wellington newsletter. Every week, we’ll send a roundup of the most important stories about the District Plan process and the future of housing in Wellington. It will include highlights from our own coverage, perspectives from experts and activists, and the best reporting from other media around Wellington.

‘Hutt Valley, Kāpiti, down to the south coast. Our Wellington coverage is powered by members.’
Joel MacManus
— Wellington editor

 

But wait there's more!