New verse by Australian writer Eloise Grills.

 

Independent woman

 

I am an independent woman

I pay for all my groceries

Even for the nuts which I could

Theoretically put through as

Less expensive nuts

At the self-checkout

I pay the prescribed price

 

I do not

Need a man

It’s easy like when my friend

Cut off all of her barbie’s hair

To make her into a ken

All you need to be a good man:

• Short hair
• A smooth crotch

 

It is a virtue to have a job

And not need one

It is decent to have a job

As an entrepreneur

Or an investment banker

Before becoming a minister

Of government

 

It is good to be born rich

And then die

Even richer than when you came in

Everyone should do it

At least once in their lifetime

 

We are all heiresses

In an extended outtake

Of the Simple Life

Perpetually working

As check-out chicks in

Rural Cootamundra

We are very very Hot

 

Play the entire

Charlie’s Angels (2000) soundtrack

At my funeral

I am an angel of destiny

I am also

Logically

The angel of death

 

Whichever girl you thought

Was hottest in the movie

I am her now – watch me

I am positively boiling

 

Eloise Grills, 2018

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