spinofflive
Screen Shot 2017-08-16 at 10.37.52 AM

Pop CultureAugust 17, 2017

Chartlander: What we were listening to the day Helen Clark became Prime Minister

Screen Shot 2017-08-16 at 10.37.52 AM

Every week Chartlander travels back through time, landing in a different year on the official New Zealand singles chart in the hopes of (re)discovering forgotten Top 40 gold. Today we go back to the last time the Labour Party came into power.

The day is November 27, 1999, and Helen Clark has just been elected New Zealand’s 37th prime minister. Tomorrow, for the first time in nine years, New Zealand will wake up under a Labour government. The official singles chart is awash with subliminal political messages.

S Club 7’s ‘Bring It All Back’ (#3) has galvanised New Zealand voters to ‘bring [the country] back’ to the left of the political spectrum. The jibberish lyrics of Eiffel 65’s ‘Blue’ (#2) have critically undermined National’s credibility. The sentiment of Ronan Keating’s ‘When You Say Nothing At All’ (#14) has directly influenced the voter turnout, which was 3.51% lower than the previous general election.

New Zealand will not change the government for another nine years, when John Key is elected on the 8th of November 2008. Only two artists feature on both election day charts: Britney Spears (‘Crazy’; ‘Womanizer’) and Kid Rock (‘Cowboy’; ‘All Summer Long’). While Britney appeared on the charts frequently throughout Labour’s nine year reign, 2008’s ‘All Summer Long’ was Kid Rock’s first – and only – appearance in the New Zealand singles chart since ‘Cowboy’ in 1999.

Kid Rock is this country’s only reliable musical agent of political change. The evidence is clear. If we want to change the government at this year’s general election, we need to get him back into the charts.

☝️ Number One

Deep Obsession – ‘One & Only’

The third consecutive number one hit for this country’s greatest ever Eurodance act, and the end of their brief golden run. Singer-songwriters Zara Clark and Vanessa Kelly and producers Christopher Banks and Michael Lloyd broke the record for consecutive number one singles with what began as an after-hours recording project at Auckland’s More FM studios. Their one and only (sorry) album Infinity would end up getting remixed by Brian Rawling, the British producer who brought autotune to the mainstream with Cher’s 1998 hit ‘Believe’.

Soundalike alert: The pre-chorus line (“You won’t be alone when I get to you”) sounds a lot like the pre-chorus line in Savage Garden’s 1996 single ‘I Want You’ (“You won’t know what hit you when I get to you”).

???? Best Bets

#7: Mariah Carey – ‘Heartbreaker’ (feat. Jay Z)

Easily overlooked amidst Mariah Carey’s hundreds of other hits, which makes it the perfect choice to chuck on the Friday drinks playlist circa-2017. ‘Heartbreaker’ features on 1999’s Rainbow album twice; the remix with Da Brat and Missy Elliott is as good, if not better than the original – it depends on how much you like Jay-Z.

Sample alert: This version is built around a sample from ‘Attack of the Name Game,’ a 1982 rap by teen singing sensation Stacy Lattisaw.

#15: Jennifer Lopez – ‘Waiting For Tonight’

Arriving in the final months of the 1990s, ‘Waiting For Tonight’ makes a strong case for being the decade’s last great dance pop hit. With one foot in the late-’90s disco revival and another back with earlier acts like Real McCoy and La Bouche, it should be an essential part of any ’90s playlist. In the video, JLo attends a euphoric Y2K New Year’s Eve countdown rave.

Language alert: There is also a Spanish version, ‘Una Noche Más’.

#36 LFO – ‘Summer Girls’

This is one of the dumbest songs ever written, and against all odds it just keeps getting better with age. In 100 years time it’s unlikely anyone will know the songs of the Spice Girls, Alanis Morrissette or Radiohead; the only song from the 1990s anyone will still want to listen to will be the one that starts: “New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hit / Chinese food makes me sick.”

Interpolation alert: Eminem interpolated ‘Summer Girls’ in an angry rap on 2000’s The Marshall Mathers LP.

???? Major Artist, Minor Hit

#33 Brandy – ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It For You’

A massive Bryan Adams hit from just eight years before seems like a weird choice of cover, but then Brandy (and Ray J!) also covered Phil Collins’ ‘Another Day in Paradise’ a couple of years later. Either she’s a genuine fan of AOR balladry (if so, fair enough) or she got given some very questionable cover song advice. This was the final track on 1998’s Never Say Never; the album’s sixth single, it was only ever released in New Zealand and Australia.

Cover alert: Bryan Adams’ raspy original from the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves soundtrack spent 8 weeks at #1 in 1991.

???? Wildcard

#29 Nicolette – Blue Day

After making an album (and subsequently breaking up) with Deep Obsession, Christopher Banks tried to repeat the magic with a new singer called Nicolette. Also an actor and professional stuntwoman on Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules, she recorded two singles – this cover of a 1983 Mi-Sex single and an original called ‘Harden Up’, which was moderately successful in Australia.

Cover alert: The Mi-Sex version of ‘Blue Day’ peaked at # 36, Nicolette’s version reached #20, making the indisputably superior version.

???? Erotic Expo

#4 Bloodhound Gang – ‘The Bad Touch’

Somewhere out there exists a person or a couple who unironically put this on every time they have sex. Imagine that. Imagine having sex to this song.

???? Trendwatch

Mambos

It is highly unlikely there has ever been a week with more mambos in the New Zealand singles charts. While Lou Bega’s ‘Mambo Number 5’ (#5 this week and already triple platinum) has gone on to become a bona fide party essential, Shaft’s ‘Mucho Mambo’ (#31) has been largely forgotten outside of the international mambo community. If we also count Marc Anthony’s ‘I Need to Know’ (#26) that’s three mambos in the top 50, a full 6% of the chart.

???????? Kiwi Flagbearers

Total this week: 7

Deep Obsession and Nicolette carry the flag for the pop community but they are still outnumbered by the rock community: Eye TV are at #32 with ‘Just The Way It Is’, Shihad at #34 with ‘My Mind’s Sedate’, and Breathe at #50 with ‘Landslide’ (not a Fleetwood Mac cover). Meanwhile, 4% of this week’s chart is made up of Rungas – Bic’s American Pie duet with the guy from Semisonic is #24 and Boh’s band Stellar* are at #47 with ‘Undone’.

???? Cover Art of the Week

#27 Moloko – Sing It Back

Look at this crackup dog! What’s it doing on the cover of a sophisticated dance pop single? Get outta there ya mongrel!


The Spinoff’s music content is brought to you by our friends at Spark. Listen to all the music you love on Spotify Premium, it’s free on all Spark’s Pay Monthly Mobile plans. Sign up and start listening today.

Keep going!
stark

Pop CultureAugust 17, 2017

Ned Stark is alive and well and trapped in a British stoner comedy

stark

Tara Ward watches Wasted, a buzzy British comedy starring spirit guide Sean Bean as every famous Sean Bean character ever. 

Imagine discovering your subconscious mind can manifest itself into the form it trusts the most. It’s an alarming thought, mostly because mine would reveal itself as an electrifying mix of Suzy Cato and Astar from Good Morning. Thankfully for Morpheus, loveable character of surreal comedy Wasted, it’s a more appealing imaginary vision: it’s Sean flipping Bean.

 

Wasted follows the exploits of four English twenty-somethings who spend their days getting completely off their faces. Whenever Morpheus makes a dumb decision — like naked spooning his best friend’s mother — Spirit Guide Sean Bean surfaces from his subconscious to set him straight. Except it’s not just Sean Bean; it’s Sean Bean playing himself, Ned Stark and that bloke who died in Lord of the Rings, all in one gorgeous, fur lined package.

Who better to navigate a confused, love-sick fool through a wilderness of bad decisions than a souped up Lord of Winterfell? Couldn’t we all do with a Sean Bean Spirit Guide, a gruff recurring vision who serves up horns of beer and tough love whenever needed? “You’re a right donkey,” Sean Bean tells Morpheus, and suddenly both Morpheus’ life and my own seem a whole lot clearer.

Sean Bean is indeed a gift from the spirit world. He knows everything, sees everything, and has an impressive collection of Ikea rug capes. Let’s take off to Wasted, the mystical plane where Sean Bean rules them all, and discover why he’s the only Spirit Guide you’ll ever need. Just don’t call him Ned, or ask when winter is coming.

He’s got better work stories

Sean Bean lost his balls in battle and is no stranger to a random poo situation. “I live in medieval times, every dump is a street dump. Outside a tavern, in ditches, dropped one off a horse. One time I left one on a drawbridge.” Forget being a Spirit Guide, let’s sign Sean Bean up as the next Bachelor NZ.

 

He eats candy floss like a boss

It’s an important quality and you know it.

He is a bottomless pit of 100% accurate advice about women

Look, the man was in Lady Chatterly’s Lover, he knows what he’s talking about.

He’s got his priorities straight

 “You’ve got to decide what’s more important: prancing round the fair like a ninny, or getting in there and getting your roots watered.” It’s advice for the ages, especially if you’re a desperate virgin standing in a forest, dressed as a mythical berry man.

 

He vapes banoffee pie, just because he can

 One banana-flavoured smoke ring to rule them all.

He gives Dr Phil a run for his money

With gems like “be yourself” and “look inside” followed by an uplifting poo-anecdote, Sean Bean is the life coach we never knew we needed.

 

But most of all, because he’s Sean fucking Bean

“I’m Sean Bean. I can do what I like”. Who are we to argue with someone else’s subconscious?


Let Sean Bean be your guide in Wasted, available now on Lightbox:

This content, like all television coverage we do at The Spinoff, is brought to you thanks to the excellent folk at Lightbox. Do us and yourself a favour by clicking here to start a FREE 30 day trial of this truly wonderful service.